Audiobooks/Maji Drama CD Vol. 3

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Sonic, Becoming Saitama
Audio Part 1

Audio Part 2

Audio Part 3

Translated the One Punch Man Maji Drama CD Vol. 3, titled ‘Sonic, Becoming Saitama’. The event is presumed to be taking place sometime after season one of anime, but before Saitama receives his hero name.

After numerous defeats, Sonic is no closer to defeating Saitama. He’s training as hard as he could, but Saitama doesn’t even acknowledge him as a worthy opponent. Frustrated, Sonic goes on a quest to uncover Saitama’s weakness – by living life as his nemesis.


 * Sonic grunting / training sound effects

Sonic: I feel great! This is the most success I’ve had until now! Sonic: I’m in the best shape of my life! Sonic: It’s about time I defeat that guy Sonic: muheheheheh Sonic: Just you wait, Saitama!
 * Boom

Sonic: WOAAARGH Sonic: Why?! Why can’t I beat you!? Saitama: Just give it up already, will ya? Saitama: Including this one, you’ve already lost to me a total of 4 times Sonic: ELEVEN TIMES! Saitama: Eh? That many? Sonic: Don’t tell me you don’t even remember our epic death matches! Saitama: Well you’re always attacking me while I’m eating, of course I’m going to prioritize the food. Sonic: I’ve left less of an impression on you than food?! Sonic: Damn you…you’re not even having anything fancy! Focus on our battle you hear me?! Saitama: Don’t you underestimate food, they are all created equal. Saitama: slurp~ slurp~ gulp. Eh…it’s a little burnt… Sonic: Stop talking while slurping noodles! Sonic: Damn it, why should I loser to an cup-noodle-eating loser! Sonic: Next time, I swear! Saitama: Are you coming again? Saitama: I see, alrighty then, but I do have one condition if you want to fight me again. Sonic: No way, is he going to set a time and a place for a proper showdown? Saitama: Since you’re always here while I’m eating, how about you time your arrival right after I’ve added hot water? Sonic: Don’t you dare imply you can finish me in 3 minutes!
 * Sonic grunting

Sonic: Finally…I’m back to home base. These injuries are pretty serious … This level of training is useless. against Saitama. Sonic: Must I start from the beginning? Sonic: But…repeating these ordinary training methods over and over… Sonic: Will that really lead me to victory? Sonic: Slowly but surely, the continued defeats are making me lose my confidence. Sonic: Will my ninjutsu really become effective against him one day? Flashback Saitama: Sonic? Oh you’re that guy with the ninja name. Sonic Whatever Sonic: My name is not Sonic Whatever! It’s Speed-O’-Sound Sonic! End Flashback

Sonic: Now that I think about it, he didn’t even remember my name. Sonic: That’s even worse than not leaving an impression! Sonic: This anxiety… I know there’s no chance of victory, but I just can’t let it go without winning at least once. Sonic: What would others do in a situation like this? Sonic: Faced with the overwhelming power of hornets, bees will unleash whatever little power they have in their stingers; skunks and hedgehogs can overcome physical disparities using their abilities, yet here I am, challenging him with reckless litany. Sonic: If it’s him, if it’s Saitama… what would he do differently?
 * Wind blows

Sonic: Ah…that’s right! Sonic: If I were to become Saitama and live his life, maybe I’ll uncover his weakness, and the strategy to beating him! Sonic: I’m a ninja, disguising myself as another person is my expertise. Sonic: First: appearance Sonic: After carefully observing Saitama walking the streets from a distance and gathering relevant information, I spent three days to recreate his outfit with identical material, color and size. Sonic: humph, yellow jumpsuit, white cape, red gloves and boots… Sonic: Alright, it’s perfect! Sonic: Next: the way he talks Sonic: That demotivating tone of voice that pisses me off to no end… as well as his way of responding that screams "leave me alone". Sonic: After practicing in front of a mirror, I have almost perfectly mastered Saitama’s speech pattern

Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Eh? I can’t be bothered Sonic, mimicking Saitama: So what? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: yeah yeah Sonic: alright, it’s perfect! Sonic: As for the face, all I have to do is put on a thin mask and add makeup, then wear a bald cap. Sonic: The problem is expression, it’s next to impossible to mimic that idiotic, dead-eyed and non-human look Sonic: No matter how hard I practice, I always end up with a slightly more serious and reserved expression compared to the real thing Sonic: oh well, I’ll get better once I start living life as him Sonic: Time to leave my home base and start living life as Saitama Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am Saitama, I’m still a no-name B Class hero. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I want to achieve more results and become a high-ranked hero, that’s why I’m patrolling outside like this. Sonic: No…this isn’t right, that guy would never take it so seriously. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am Saitama. Ah…I’m hungry. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Has anyone dropped some food? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: ah! Found some change! Lucky! Sonic: Alright, it should be more like this. Sonic: Speaking of, parading around in this outfit… how should I put it…it’s rather embarrassing… Genos: Sensei! So you’re here! Sonic: eh…what’s with this guy? Haven’t I met him somewhere? Genos: We should have left at the same time after receiving reports of the monster sighting Genos: I didn’t see you at the scene and thought maybe you got lost again Genos: I have already dispatched the monster Sonic, mimicking Saitama: aaahhh…is that so…so that’s how that went… Sonic: accosted by Saitama’s acquaintance all of a sudden… further proof that my disguise is perfect… Genos: huh? Is there a problem? Something feels off… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Non….nonsense, everything is normal Sonic, mimicking Saitama: eh…you…what’s your name again? Genos: eh? Saitama sensei, have you forgotten my name? Genos: I am Genos, your… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: oh that’s right! Genos, it’s Genos isn’t it? My bad, my bad! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A monster hit me in the head just now, my memory seems a bit scrambled Genos: aaah! A monster that could damage Saitama sensei to such an extent… Genos: How could this be!? This is a major crisis! Genos: What exactly happened to the monster? Have you defeated it?! Just what kind of being was it… I want to verify the body, just to make sure. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: heh…about that… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I used my proud technique: full-power crotch punch Sonic, mimicking Saitama: It was badly hurt and ran off into the mountains Genos: The mountains is it? Okay, I’ll go chase it down and finish it off right now.
 * sound of Genos blasting off

Sonic: whew, fooled him. Glad that’s over, but this is not enough. Sonic: I can’t just low-key live his life without a purpose. Sonic: I must imitate its every aspect in order to better understand him Sonic: And in order to understand Saitama, I must learn about his relations with other heroes, as well as engage in hero activities from his point of view. Sonic: Alright, time to march into the very heart of my enemy! Sonic: hmph, so this is the Hero Association HQ? Sonic: The security at the entrance is too lax. Infiltrating is not a problem for a ninja like myself. Sonic: So, will I uncover the key to Saitama’s secret power here? Kamikaze: Hey you, what are you doing here? Sonic: hm? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: ah…I heard I was needed at the HQ for urgent business, so I came. Kamikaze: Needed…at the…HQ…for…urgent…business? Someone like you?! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: ooh, I haven’t introduced myself. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: How do you do, my name is Saitama, pleased to meet you. Kamikaze: argh…what? Are you implying this is the first time we met? Kamikaze: You, I’ve wanted to tell you this before: you’re such a weirdo. Sonic: tsk, it’s another acquaintance! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: a…ah! If it isn’t the old man! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: You got a different vibe going today, I didn’t even notice you! Kamikaze: Don’t give me that attitude just because Silver Fang likes you, you might catch a beating, kiddo Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Huh? Just who do you think will be delivering that beating? Kamikaze: What’s that? You want a pick a fight with me? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Oh excuse me, did I let it slip? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: The way you said it, sounds like you think you’re stronger than me, old man. Kamikaze: hmph, I don’t know where a B-Class hero could possibly get all that confidence…


 * Sonic draws first, but Kamikaze blocks
 * sound of swords clashing

Sonic: argh! That was fast! I didn’t even see him draw his sword! This guy, he’s no joke! Kamikaze: You need a reality check. I’ve seen too many who gave up their lives so easily. Sonic: tsk, you’re pretty fast with a sword, but if I get serious, no sword slashes in the world can catch me… Tatsumaki: Wait a minute! Why on earth is the B-Class baldy here?! Tatsumaki: Wasn’t the summon only meant for powerful heroes? Kamikaze: Seems like he was called here as well. Tatsumaki: haaa?! Why do I have to go to battle with someone like this?! Sonic: what’s this kid’s problem?! Sonic: Is Saitama regularly being made fun of by little kids like this?! Tatsumaki: If you want to join me on an operation, then get in the S-Class first! Tatsumaki: You, the power difference between us….do you not have a fucking clue?! Sonic: w…what?! Sonic: Does she mean she’s even stronger than Saitama?! Sonic: No that’s not right. I’ve heard that professional heroes need to manage their popularity. Sonic: As powerful as Saitama is, his hero ranking must have been affected by his average looks and uncouth behavior, that’s why he’s only a B-Class hero, right? Sonic: In contrast, despite being weaker, she must have exploited her childish cuteness to obtain overwhelming popularity and ascend into the ranks of S-Class heroes. Sonic: What a cruel industry. Tatsumaki: To sum it up, I don’t care if it’s a collaborative battle plan, or whatever other battle plan, including a B-Class hero is unforgivable, get the hell out, now! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Hey, old man, as proud heroes, should any of us be subject to such humiliation? Kamikaze: Tatsumaki doesn’t care, you had better just listen to her and leave. Sonic: damn these guys… since I’m roleplaying Saitama, I’ve got no choice but to leave, but don’t think I’ll let it slide if I run into any of you out there! Tatsumaki: Just hurry up and leave already Sonic: Shut up, stupid! Tatsumaki: haaa?!! Kamikaze: What are you doing?! You’re gonna get killed! Get out of here now! Sonic: Smokescreen Shuriken!
 * Kamikaze and Tatsumaki coughing

Tatsumaki: Where the hell did the smoke come from? Tatsumaki: hey you! Wait a second! Kamikaze: Just like a ninja. Sonic: tsk, damn you, Saitama! Sonic: It’s all his fault, from the very beginning! Sonic: Damn it! Instead of understanding him, all I’ve done is accumulate a ton of resentment! Sonic: What a terrible experience it’s been so far, I might as well give up on the disguise! Sonic: If I keep going, it would bad for my physical and mental health Kid: Mom, that crazy guy in a cape shouting at the sky. Mom: Look away. Mom: Even though that guy is a professional hero, his career never took off the way he intended.

Mom: He’s destined for a hopeless future, and he’s expressing his anger Kid: Oh I see Kid: I would never want to become a hero like him! Sonic: argh! Sonic: Is this how the public treat low-ranking heroes? Sonic: Saitama looks like a brainless idiot. Sonic: But maybe he’s suffering deep down.
 * Mom screaming

Mom: No! Let go of my child now! Civilian: It’s a monster! The monster has taken the child! Civilian: It’s dangerous! Run! It’s coming this way! Sonic: hm? Monster: I’m the one who got pushed over the edge by screaming kids and loud music in public, Angry Grandpa! (T/N: the original Japanese マジギレ means “really pissed/disgusted” in an old grumpy sort of way, I think) Angry Grandpa: I’m gonna teach all the kids around here a lesson in manners! Angry Grandpa: And make sure none of them never try to do whatever they want again like it’s a game!
 * Sirens

Civilian: Le…let go of the kid now! Angry Grandpa: Shut yer trap! Kid: Mom! I’m really scared! Mom: S…someone! Please save him!
 * gunshots

Angry Grandpa: hahahahaha, it’s useless! Civilian: ahh! It’s hopeless! The police are no match for him! Civilian: Someone call the heroes! Why aren’t the heroes here?! Mumen Rider: huaaaa! Mumen Rider: Everyone! Please let me through! Civilian: ah! That is…! Mumen Rider: A rider of justice, Mumen Rider, reporting for duty! Civilian: It’s Mumen! Mumen Rider is here! Civilian: Thank God! Kid: Save me, Mumen Rider! Mumen Rider: Monster, let go of the child, I’ll be your opponent! Mumen Rider: Justice Tackle! Civilian: The kid is freed! Kid: mama! Mom: ah! Thank God, thank you so much! Mumen Rider: This is your opportunity to escape, run! Civilian: Go Mumen Rider, go! Angry Grandpa: What’s with this guy, he’s so popular among kids Angry Grandpa: I’ll crush their dreams! Angry Grandpa: hyaaa! Mumen Rider: Justice Punch! Angry Grandpa: Damn you! Go to hell you scum! Mumen Rider: Justice Kick!
 * Monster grunts

Angry Grandpa: Damn it, he’s tough! Mumen Rider: killer move: Justice Crane High Kick! Civilian: awesome! Mumen Rider beat him! Angry Grandpa: tsk Sonic: That monster…seems like he’s still got an ace up his sleeve Sonic: I don’t think the hero noticed that Mumen Rider: he-aaaah! Now for the coup de grace, Justice…. Angry Grandpa: killer move: Furious Outburst Punch! Civilian: Whoa! Mumen Rider… Civilian: What was that punch? There’re even holes on the ground! Angry Grandpa: hahahahahaha, did you see that? Angry Grandpa: By accumulating frustration, I can unleash limit-breaking power in an instant! Angry Grandpa: Now, the annoying hero is no more. Angry Grandpa: Time to beat up some kids! Hahahahaha! Mumen Rider: Justice Crash! Monster: What?! What is…
 * Sound of explosion (Sonic’s Shuriken)

Angry Grandpa: wwaaaaahhh! Mumen Rider: The monster has been taken care of, everyone rest easy!
 * People cheering

Mumen Rider: It’s all thanks to you, you got me out of a pinch there. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Don’t mention it. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: You are working really hard. Sonic: I couldn’t care less about the safety of heroes. Sonic: But right now, I’m the B-Class hero, Saitama. Sonic: In order to approach his state of mind. Sonic: I must act like a hero. Mumen Rider: Saitama kun, I’m still doing everything within my capacity as a C-Class. Mumen Rider: Have you being showing your talent after becoming a B-Class hero? Sonic: Oh, so this one is also an acquaintance Sonic: Surprisingly, Saitama has quite the network skills. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Eh…yeah, I guess… Mumen Rider: heh, good to hear! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Are you always fighting these battles by the skin of your teeth? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A small mistake and you might lose your life you know. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: To be honest, I don’t think you’re fit for… Mumen Rider: I’ve known this for a long time Sonic, mimicking Saitama: huh? Then why do you do it? The pay for C-Class is awful, and you don’t get much respect. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I really don’t understand why you’re putting your life on the line for so little… Kid: Mumen Rider! Mumen Rider: Hey little brother! Is everything okay? Mom: I can’t thank you enough, Mumen Rider! Mom: Come over here son, now what should you say? Kid: yes! Thank you very much! I want to become a hero too! Sonic: hmph, stupid kid, only cares about appearances Mumen Rider: Heh, that hero over there helped me a lot you know. Mumen Rider: It’s all thanks to him that we’re able to protect everyone. Sonic: eh?! Kid: what’s his hero name? Mumen Rider: He doesn’t have a hero name yet. Kid: I see! Thank you! Bald brother in a cape! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: a..ah… Mom: eh, thank you so very much. Mom: I will cherish your kindness for the rest of my life. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: D…..don’t mention it… Mumen Rider: Well then, looks like I can still move, let’s contact the Association so they can come and collect the monster. Mumen Rider: let’s go drinking sometime, Saitama kun. Mumen Rider: oh right, weren’t you going to ask me something just now? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: no…it’s nothing. See you around. Sonic: Living life as the hero Saitama for one day, made me understand one thing: Sonic: the reason why he would continue being a hero, despite the lousy pay and constant humiliation Sonic: Nevertheless, I am no closer to understanding where he got his strength Sonic: Maybe that can only be uncovered through battle? Sonic: Saitama battles monsters on a daily basis Sonic: True monsters that are in a completely different league compared to the one early today Sonic: hm? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Found you, you’re the monster Energira, aren’t you? Energira: yes? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: When I was at the Hero Association, I stole their top secret documents Sonic, mimicking Saitama: And obtained information on a powerful monster hiding in Z-City’s uninhabited zone Sonic, mimicking Saitama: S-Class heroes Tornado of Terror and Atomic Samurai are coming to eliminate you. Energira: What are you on about? Why are you telling me all this? Energira: Who the heck are you? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am hero Saitama Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I got here before they did, so I can defeat you by myself. Energira: hahahahahaha, I thought you had something important to say. Energira: But a fodder hero such as yourself, do you really think you stand a chance against me? Energira: Do you know my disaster level? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: it’s dragon isn’t it? So what? Energira: you really are clueless, aren’t you? Energira: haa!
 * Sound of energy beam/explosion

Energira: oops, I was only going to scare him a little with my beam Energira: did I evaporate him by accident? Sonic: Exploding Shuriken! Sonic: a monster with limitless energy stock Sonic: and the ability to compress said energy and emit them from its hands Sonic: had I not known this beforehand, that would have been dangerous Sonic: nah, with my abilities, I should be able to defeat it even in a blind encounter Energira: hehehehehe, you’re not half bad Sonic: what? He’s not hurt at all? Sonic: did he deflect the Shuriken with his beams? Sonic: in that case…I’ll fight him in close quarters! Energira: oooh! What unstoppable speed! I can’t imagine you’re just a fodder! Energira: in that case, I’ll use this Energira: haaa! Sonic: whoa! Argh! Sonic: it managed to blow everything in the surroundings away! Sonic: close quarter is not an option! Energira: it’s about time I end this fight and go into hiding Energira: as strong as I am, fighting Miss Tatsumaki is still far too risky Sonic: tsk, I can’t believe I got pushed this far Sonic: is Saitama fighting monsters on this level every day? Sonic: at this rate, I’m not going to make it! Energira: well then, farewell!
 * Explosion

Sonic: heh, I’m still alive Sonic: what exactly happened? Saitama: Someone is fighting monsters in a place like this? Saitama: That’s pretty rare. Energira: ooo! You’re still standing and talking after taking my energy beam. Who are you?! Saitama: I’m a hero. Saitama: That explosion blew away all the ingredients for my hotpot. Saitama: That’s absolutely unforgivable Energira: tsk, get ready for an even more intense gift from yours truly! Energira: haaaaaa! Sonic: In your dreams! Sonic: Explosion Shuriken! Energira: What?! What an annoying fellow! Saitama: aha? Why are you here? Are you fighting this monster? Sonic: Eh…looks like I lost my mask and bald cap in the explosion Sonic: That no longer matters! Sonic: Saitama, you must prevent this guy from accumulating energy. Sonic: I’ll hold him off with Shurikens Sonic: You attack him at your own pace! Saitama: oh, okay Energira: hyaaaaa! Sonic: Eat this! Saitama: eh…are you sure you want me to beat him? Sonic: hurry up damn it! I can’t hold him off for long! Saitama: Got it Energira: eh...h…hold on, this is, ah…
 * Explosion

Sonic: Whew, no way, fighting together with you…I never thought this day would come Saitama: Together? Eh, not really, I would have been fine by myself… Sonic: You…seem like you have a lot to deal with too… Saitama: eh? What do you mean? Saitama: also, what’s with the cape? Do you want to become a hero too? Sonic: nope. No such plans Sonic: by the way, Saitama Sonic: Your weakness, I think I might have found one Saitama: ha? Sonic: I don’t know if I could beat you with it, but the day will come, when I will end your life with my own two hands! Sonic: make sure you’re ready! Sonic: see you around! Saitama: huh? Hey! What’s my weakness? Sonic: you’ll know soon enough… Saitama: I kinda know why he’s working so hard, but what exactly is that guy doing? Kamikaze: What happened here? Kamikaze: you! What are you doing here? Saitama: eh...who are you again? Kamikaze: this is the second time we’ve met today, stop acting like a fool Kamikaze: answer my question, what are you doing here? Saitama: I’m trying my best to salvage the ingredients for my hotpot Kamikaze: isn’t that the powerful monster lying over there? Kamikaze: what happened? Did you kill it? Kamikaze: wasn’t it supposed to be really powerful based on the information? Saitama: I have no idea what you’re talking about Tatsumaki: hold on a second! Baldy? What are you doing here!? Unbelievable?! Who told you to act by yourself?! Saitama: eh, here we go again with this one Tatsumaki: this was a special task entrusted to myself and Atomic Samurai, that’s why I took exception to it! Tatsumaki: how dare you beat it before we got here!? You’re bald for crying out loud! Tatsumaki: also how did you know the location?! Also isn’t the monster way too weak? Tatsumaki: what’s with you?! Why are you even bald? Saitama: nah, I have no idea, I didn’t about hear anything Tatsumaki: How is that even possible?! Tatsumaki: also you, do you remember what you said to me this morning at the HQ? Tatsumaki: you do, don’t you?! I bet you do! Tatsumaki: Unforgivable! You baldy! Light bulb! Rice grain! Saitama: Not really Tatsumaki: egg! Ball! Bean! Saitama: hold on a sec! Saitama: The weakness Sonic was talking about…is this it? Saitama: That bastard! Did he just pretend to be me so he could drag my name through the mud?! Sonic: heh, I’ve had enough of playing hero Sonic: Seems like the only way to beat him is to continue honing my skills as a ninja Sonic: that said… Sonic: as long as he’s fighting monsters Sonic: I will not attack him.

Junior high school student Saitama Episode 3
Sonic to transfer to Z Municipal Peace Middle School to settle a dispute with Saitama. Currently, there is a sports festival. Sonic, who wanted to beat Saitama, has become on the same team as him and struggles to win.

Acknowledgements
Great thanks to the following people for providing the translations
 * hdx514 for Sonic, Becoming Saitama translation