Audiobooks/Maji Drama CD Vol. 3

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Sonic, Becoming Saitama
Audio Part 1

Audio Part 2

Audio Part 3

Translated the One Punch Man Maji Drama CD Vol. 3, titled ‘Sonic, Becoming Saitama’. The event is presumed to be taking place sometime after season one of anime, but before Saitama receives his hero name.

After numerous defeats, Sonic is no closer to defeating Saitama. He’s training as hard as he could, but Saitama doesn’t even acknowledge him as a worthy opponent. Frustrated, Sonic goes on a quest to uncover Saitama’s weakness – by living life as his nemesis.


 * Sonic grunting / training sound effects

Sonic: I feel great! This is the most success I’ve had until now! Sonic: I’m in the best shape of my life! Sonic: It’s about time I defeat that guy. Sonic: Muheheheheh Sonic: Just you wait, Saitama!
 * Boom

Sonic: WOAAARGH! Sonic: Why?! Why can’t I beat you!? Saitama: Just give it up already, will ya? Saitama: Including this one, you’ve already lost to me a total of 4 times. Sonic: ELEVEN TIMES! Saitama: Eh? That many? Sonic: Don’t tell me you don’t even remember our epic death matches! Saitama: Well you’re always attacking me while I’m eating, of course I’m going to prioritize the food. Sonic: I’ve left less of an impression on you than food?! Sonic: Damn you…you’re not even having anything fancy! Focus on our battle you hear me?! Saitama: Don’t you underestimate food, they are all created equal. Saitama: slurp~ slurp~ gulp. Eh…it’s a little burnt… Sonic: Stop talking while slurping noodles! Sonic: Damn it, why should I loser to an cup-noodle-eating loser! Sonic: Next time, I swear! Saitama: Are you coming again? Saitama: I see, alrighty then, but I do have one condition if you want to fight me again. Sonic: No way, is he going to set a time and a place for a proper showdown? Saitama: Since you’re always here while I’m eating, how about you time your arrival right after I’ve added hot water? Sonic: Don’t you dare imply you can finish me in 3 minutes!
 * Sonic grunting

Sonic: Finally…I’m back to home base. These injuries are pretty serious … This level of training is useless. against Saitama. Sonic: Must I start from the beginning? Sonic: But…repeating these ordinary training methods over and over… Sonic: Will that really lead me to victory? Sonic: Slowly but surely, the continued defeats are making me lose my confidence. Sonic: Will my ninjutsu really become effective against him one day? FLASHBACK BEGINS Saitama: Sonic? Oh, you’re that guy with the ninja name. Sonic Whatever. Sonic: My name is not Sonic Whatever! It’s Speed-O’-Sound Sonic! FLASHBACK ENDS

Sonic: Now that I think about it, he didn’t even remember my name. Sonic: That’s even worse than not leaving an impression! Sonic: This anxiety… I know there’s no chance of victory, but I just can’t let it go without winning at least once. Sonic: What would others do in a situation like this? Sonic: Faced with the overwhelming power of hornets, bees will unleash whatever little power they have in their stingers; skunks and hedgehogs can overcome physical disparities using their abilities, yet here I am, challenging him with reckless litany. Sonic: If it’s him, if it’s Saitama… what would he do differently?
 * Wind blows

Sonic: Ah…that’s right! Sonic: If I were to become Saitama and live his life, maybe I’ll uncover his weakness, and the strategy to beating him! Sonic: I’m a ninja, disguising myself as another person is my expertise. Sonic: First: appearance. Sonic: After carefully observing Saitama walking the streets from a distance and gathering relevant information, I spent three days to recreate his outfit with identical material, color and size. Sonic: Humph, yellow jumpsuit, white cape, red gloves and boots… Sonic: Alright, it’s perfect! Sonic: Next: the way he talks. Sonic: That demotivating tone of voice that pisses me off to no end… as well as his way of responding that screams "leave me alone". Sonic: After practicing in front of a mirror, I have almost perfectly mastered Saitama’s speech pattern.

Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Eh? I can’t be bothered. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: So what? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Yeah, yeah. Sonic: Alright, it’s perfect! Sonic: As for the face, all I have to do is put on a thin mask and add makeup, then wear a bald cap. Sonic: The problem is expression, it’s next to impossible to mimic that idiotic, dead-eyed and non-human look Sonic: No matter how hard I practice, I always end up with a slightly more serious and reserved expression compared to the real thing. Sonic: Oh well, I’ll get better once I start living life as him. Sonic: Time to leave my home base and start living life as Saitama. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am Saitama, I’m still a no-name B Class hero. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I want to achieve more results and become a high-ranked hero, that’s why I’m patrolling outside like this. Sonic: No…this isn’t right, that guy would never take it so seriously. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am Saitama. Ah…I’m hungry. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Has anyone dropped some food? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Ah! Found some change! Lucky! Sonic: Alright, it should be more like this. Sonic: Speaking of, parading around in this outfit… how should I put it…it’s rather embarrassing… Genos: Sensei! So you’re here! Sonic: Eh…what’s with this guy? Haven’t I met him somewhere? Genos: We should have left at the same time after receiving reports of the monster sighting. Genos: I didn’t see you at the scene and thought maybe you got lost again Genos: I have already dispatched the monster Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Aaahhh…is that so…so that’s how that went… Sonic: Accosted by Saitama’s acquaintance all of a sudden… further proof that my disguise is perfect… Genos: Huh? Is there a problem? Something feels off… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Non….nonsense, everything is normal. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Eh…you…what’s your name again? Genos: eh? Saitama sensei, have you forgotten my name? Genos: I am Genos, your… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Oh that’s right! Genos, it’s Genos isn’t it? My bad, my bad! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A monster hit me in the head just now, my memory seems a bit scrambled. Genos: Aaah! A monster that could damage Saitama sensei to such an extent… Genos: How could this be!? This is a major crisis! Genos: What exactly happened to the monster? Have you defeated it?! Just what kind of being was it… I want to verify the body, just to make sure. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Heh…about that… Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I used my proud technique: full-power crotch punch. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: It was badly hurt and ran off into the mountains. Genos: The mountains, is it? Okay, I’ll go chase it down and finish it off right now.
 * sound of Genos blasting off

Sonic: Whew, fooled him. Glad that’s over, but this is not enough. Sonic: I can’t just low-key live his life without a purpose. Sonic: I must imitate its every aspect in order to better understand him, Sonic: and in order to understand Saitama, I must learn about his relations with other heroes, as well as engage in hero activities from his point of view. Sonic: Alright, time to march into the very heart of my enemy! Sonic: Hmph, so this is the Hero Association HQ? Sonic: The security at the entrance is too lax. Infiltrating is not a problem for a ninja like myself. Sonic: So, will I uncover the key to Saitama’s secret power here? Kamikaze: Hey you, what are you doing here? Sonic: Hm? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: ah…I heard I was needed at the HQ for urgent business, so I came. Kamikaze: Needed…at the…HQ…for…urgent…business? Someone like you?! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: ooh, I haven’t introduced myself. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: How do you do, my name is Saitama, pleased to meet you. Kamikaze: Argh…what? Are you implying this is the first time we met? Kamikaze: You, I’ve wanted to tell you this before: you’re such a weirdo. Sonic: Tsk, it’s another acquaintance! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A…ah! If it isn’t the old man! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: You got a different vibe going today, I didn’t even notice you! Kamikaze: Don’t give me that attitude just because Silver Fang likes you, you might catch a beating, kiddo. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Huh? Just who do you think will be delivering that beating? Kamikaze: What’s that? You want a pick a fight with me? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Oh excuse me, did I let it slip? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: The way you said it, sounds like you think you’re stronger than me, old man. Kamikaze: Hmph, I don’t know where a B-Class hero could possibly get all that confidence…


 * Sonic draws first, but Kamikaze blocks
 * sound of swords clashing

Sonic: Argh! That was fast! I didn’t even see him draw his sword! This guy, he’s no joke! Kamikaze: You need a reality check. I’ve seen too many who gave up their lives so easily. Sonic: Tsk, you’re pretty fast with a sword, but if I get serious, no sword slashes in the world can catch me… Tatsumaki: Wait a minute! Why on earth is the B-Class baldy here?! Tatsumaki: Wasn’t the summon only meant for powerful heroes? Kamikaze: Seems like he was called here as well. Tatsumaki: Haaa?! Why do I have to go to battle with someone like this?! Sonic: What’s this kid’s problem?! Sonic: Is Saitama regularly being made fun of by little kids like this?! Tatsumaki: If you want to join me on an operation, then get in the S-Class first! Tatsumaki: You, the power difference between us….do you not have a fucking clue?! Sonic: W…what?! Sonic: Does she mean she’s even stronger than Saitama?! Sonic: No that’s not right. I’ve heard that professional heroes need to manage their popularity. Sonic: As powerful as Saitama is, his hero ranking must have been affected by his average looks and uncouth behavior, that’s why he’s only a B-Class hero, right? Sonic: In contrast, despite being weaker, she must have exploited her childish cuteness to obtain overwhelming popularity and ascend into the ranks of S-Class heroes. Sonic: What a cruel industry. Tatsumaki: To sum it up, I don’t care if it’s a collaborative battle plan, or whatever other battle plan, including a B-Class hero is unforgivable, get the hell out, now! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Hey, old man, as proud heroes, should any of us be subject to such humiliation? Kamikaze: Tatsumaki doesn’t care, you had better just listen to her and leave. Sonic: Damn these guys… since I’m role playing Saitama, I’ve got no choice but to leave, but don’t think I’ll let it slide if I run into any of you out there! Tatsumaki: Just hurry up and leave already Sonic: Shut up, stupid! Tatsumaki: Haaa?!! Kamikaze: What are you doing?! You’re gonna get killed! Get out of here now! Sonic: Smokescreen Shuriken!
 * Kamikaze and Tatsumaki coughing

Tatsumaki: Where the hell did the smoke come from? Tatsumaki: Hey you! Wait a second! Kamikaze: Just like a ninja. Sonic: Tsk, damn you, Saitama! Sonic: It’s all his fault, from the very beginning! Sonic: Damn it! Instead of understanding him, all I’ve done is accumulate a ton of resentment! Sonic: What a terrible experience it’s been so far, I might as well give up on the disguise! Sonic: If I keep going, it would bad for my physical and mental health. Kid: Mom, that crazy guy in a cape shouting at the sky. Mom: Look away. Mom: Even though that guy is a professional hero, his career never took off the way he intended.

Mom: He’s destined for a hopeless future, and he’s expressing his anger Kid: Oh I see. Kid: I would never want to become a hero like him! Sonic: Argh! Sonic: Is this how the public treat low-ranking heroes? Sonic: Saitama looks like a brainless idiot. Sonic: But maybe he’s suffering deep down.
 * Mom screaming

Mom: No! Let go of my child now! Civilian: It’s a monster! The monster has taken the child! Civilian: It’s dangerous! Run! It’s coming this way! Sonic: Hm? Monster: I’m the one who got pushed over the edge by screaming kids and loud music in public, Angry Grandpa! (T/N: the original Japanese マジギレ means “really pissed/disgusted” in an old grumpy sort of way, I think) Angry Grandpa: I’m gonna teach all the kids around here a lesson in manners! Angry Grandpa: And make sure none of them never try to do whatever they want again like it’s a game!
 * Sirens

Civilian: Le…let go of the kid now! Angry Grandpa: Shut yer trap! Kid: Mom! I’m really scared! Mom: S…someone! Please save him!
 * gunshots

Angry Grandpa: Hahahahaha, it’s useless! Civilian: Ahh! It’s hopeless! The police are no match for him! Civilian: Someone call the heroes! Why aren’t the heroes here?! Mumen Rider: Huaaaa! Mumen Rider: Everyone! Please let me through! Civilian: Ah! That is…! Mumen Rider: A rider of justice, Mumen Rider, reporting for duty! Civilian: It’s Mumen! Mumen Rider is here! Civilian: Thank God! Kid: Save me, Mumen Rider! Mumen Rider: Monster, let go of the child, I’ll be your opponent! Mumen Rider: Justice Tackle! Civilian: The kid is freed! Kid: Mama! Mom: Ah! Thank God, thank you so much! Mumen Rider: This is your opportunity to escape, run! Civilian: Go Mumen Rider, go! Angry Grandpa: What’s with this guy, he’s so popular among kids. Angry Grandpa: I’ll crush their dreams! Angry Grandpa: Hyaaa! Mumen Rider: Justice Punch! Angry Grandpa: Damn you! Go to hell you scum! Mumen Rider: Justice Kick!
 * Monster grunts

Angry Grandpa: Damn it, he’s tough! Mumen Rider: Killer move: Justice Crane High Kick! Civilian: Awesome! Mumen Rider beat him! Angry Grandpa: Tsk Sonic: That monster…seems like he’s still got an ace up his sleeve. Sonic: I don’t think the hero noticed that. Mumen Rider: He-aaaah! Now for the coup de grace, Justice…. Angry Grandpa: Killer move: Furious Outburst Punch! Civilian: Whoa! Mumen Rider… Civilian: What was that punch? There’re even holes on the ground! Angry Grandpa: Hahahahahaha, did you see that? Angry Grandpa: By accumulating frustration, I can unleash limit-breaking power in an instant! Angry Grandpa: Now, the annoying hero is no more. Angry Grandpa: Time to beat up some kids! Hahahahaha! Mumen Rider: Justice Crash! Monster: What?! What is…
 * Sound of explosion (Sonic’s Shuriken)

Angry Grandpa: Wwaaaaahhh! Mumen Rider: The monster has been taken care of, everyone rests easy!
 * People cheering

Mumen Rider: It’s all thanks to you, you got me out of a pinch there. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Don’t mention it. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: You are working really hard. Sonic: I couldn’t care less about the safety of heroes. Sonic: But right now, I’m the B-Class hero, Saitama. Sonic: In order to approach his state of mind. Sonic: I must act like a hero. Mumen Rider: Saitama-kun, I’m still doing everything within my capacity as a C-Class. Mumen Rider: Have you been showing your talent after becoming a B-Class hero? Sonic: Oh, so this one is also an acquaintance Sonic: Surprisingly, Saitama has quite the network skills. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Eh…yeah, I guess… Mumen Rider: Heh, good to hear! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Are you always fighting these battles by the skin of your teeth? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A small mistake and you might lose your life you know. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: To be honest, I don’t think you’re fit for… Mumen Rider: I’ve known this for a long time. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Huh? Then why do you do it? The pay for C-Class is awful, and you don’t get much respect. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I really don’t understand why you’re putting your life on the line for so little… Kid: Mumen Rider! Mumen Rider: Hey little brother! Is everything okay? Mom: I can’t thank you enough, Mumen Rider! Mom: Come over here son, now what should you say? Kid: Yes! Thank you very much! I want to become a hero too! Sonic: Hmph, stupid kid, only cares about appearances. Mumen Rider: Heh, that hero over there helped me a lot you know. Mumen Rider: It’s all thanks to him that we’re able to protect everyone. Sonic: Eh?! Kid: what’s his hero name? Mumen Rider: He doesn’t have a hero name yet. Kid: I see! Thank you! Bald brother in a cape! Sonic, mimicking Saitama: A..ah… Mom: Eh, thank you so very much. Mom: I will cherish your kindness for the rest of my life. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: D…..don’t mention it… Mumen Rider: Well then, looks like I can still move, let’s contact the Association so they can come and collect the monster. Mumen Rider: Let’s go drinking sometime, Saitama-kun. Mumen Rider: Oh right, weren’t you going to ask me something just now? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: no…it’s nothing. See you around. Sonic: Living life as the hero Saitama for one day, made me understand one thing: Sonic: The reason why he would continue being a hero, despite the lousy pay and constant humiliation. Sonic: Nevertheless, I am no closer to understanding where he got his strength. Sonic: Maybe that can only be uncovered through battle? Sonic: Saitama battles monsters on a daily basis. Sonic: True monsters that are in a completely different league compared to the one early today Sonic: Hm? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: Found you, you’re the monster Energiser, aren’t you? Energiser: Yes? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: When I was at the Hero Association, I stole their top secret documents. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: And obtained information on a powerful monster hiding in Z-City’s uninhabited zone. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: S-Class heroes Tornado of Terror and Atomic Samurai are coming to eliminate you. Energiser: What are you on about? Why are you telling me all this? Energiser: Who the heck are you? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I am hero Saitama. Sonic, mimicking Saitama: I got here before they did, so I can defeat you by myself. Energiser: Hahahahahaha, I thought you had something important to say. Energiser: But a fodder hero such as yourself, do you really think you stand a chance against me? Energiser: Do you know my disaster level? Sonic, mimicking Saitama: it’s dragon isn’t it? So what? Energiser: You really are clueless, aren’t you? Energiser: Haa!
 * Sound of energy beam/explosion

Energiser: Oops, I was only going to scare him a little with my beam Energiser: Did I evaporate him by accident? Sonic: Exploding Shuriken! Sonic: A monster with limitless energy stock, Sonic: and the ability to compress said energy and emit them from its hands. Sonic: Had I not known this beforehand, that would have been dangerous. Sonic: Nah, with my abilities, I should be able to defeat it even in a blind encounter. Energiser: Hehehehehe, you’re not half bad Sonic: What? He’s not hurt at all? Sonic: Did he deflect the Shuriken with his beams? Sonic: In that case…I’ll fight him in close quarters! Energiser: Oooh! What unstoppable speed! I can’t imagine you’re just a fodder! Energiser: In that case, I’ll use this! Energiser: Haaa! Sonic: Whoa! Argh! Sonic: It managed to blow everything in the surroundings away! Sonic: Close quarter is not an option! Energiser: It’s about time I end this fight and go into hiding. Energiser: As strong as I am, fighting Miss Tatsumaki is still far too risky. Sonic: Tsk, I can’t believe I got pushed this far. Sonic: Is Saitama fighting monsters on this level every day? Sonic: At this rate, I’m not going to make it! Energiser: Well then, farewell!
 * Explosion

Sonic: Heh, I’m still alive Sonic: What exactly happened? Saitama: Someone is fighting monsters in a place like this? Saitama: That’s pretty rare. Energiser: Ooo! You’re still standing and talking after taking my energy beam. Who are you?! Saitama: I’m a hero. Saitama: That explosion blew away all the ingredients for my hotpot. Saitama: That’s absolutely unforgivable. Energiser: Tsk, get ready for an even more intense gift from yours truly! Energiser: Haaaaaa! Sonic: In your dreams! Sonic: Explosion Shuriken! Energiser: What?! What an annoying fellow! Saitama: Aha? Why are you here? Are you fighting this monster? Sonic: Eh…looks like I lost my mask and bald cap in the explosion. Sonic: That no longer matters! Sonic: Saitama, you must prevent this guy from accumulating energy. Sonic: I’ll hold him off with Shurikens. Sonic: You attack him at your own pace! Saitama: Oh, okay. Energiser: Hyaaaaa! Sonic: Eat this! Saitama: Eh…are you sure you want me to beat him? Sonic: Hurry up damn it! I can’t hold him off for long! Saitama: Got it. Energiser: Eh...h…hold on, this is, ah…
 * Explosion

Sonic: Whew, no way, fighting together with you…I never thought this day would come. Saitama: Together? Eh, not really, I would have been fine by myself… Sonic: You…seem like you have a lot to deal with too… Saitama: Eh? What do you mean? Saitama: Also, what’s with the cape? Do you want to become a hero too? Sonic: Nope. No such plans. Sonic: By the way, Saitama. Sonic: Your weakness, I think I might have found one. Saitama: Ha? Sonic: I don’t know if I could beat you with it, but the day will come, when I will end your life with my own two hands! Sonic: Make sure you’re ready! Sonic: See you around! Saitama: Huh? Hey! What’s my weakness? Sonic: You’ll know soon enough… Saitama: I kinda know why he’s working so hard, but what exactly is that guy doing? Kamikaze: What happened here? Kamikaze: You! What are you doing here? Saitama: Eh...who are you again? Kamikaze: This is the second time we’ve met today, stop acting like a fool. Kamikaze: Answer my question, what are you doing here? Saitama: I’m trying my best to salvage the ingredients for my hotpot. Kamikaze: Isn’t that the powerful monster lying over there? Kamikaze: What happened? Did you kill it? Kamikaze: Wasn’t it supposed to be really powerful based on the information? Saitama: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Tatsumaki: Hold on a second! Baldy? What are you doing here!? Unbelievable?! Who told you to act by yourself?! Saitama: Eh, here we go again with this one. Tatsumaki: This was a special task entrusted to myself and Atomic Samurai, that’s why I took exception to it! Tatsumaki: How dare you beat it before we got here!? You’re bald for crying out loud! Tatsumaki: Also how did you know the location?! Also isn’t the monster way too weak? Tatsumaki: What’s with you?! Why are you even bald? Saitama: Nah, I have no idea, I didn’t about hear anything. Tatsumaki: How is that even possible?! Tatsumaki: Also you, do you remember what you said to me this morning at the HQ? Tatsumaki: You do, don’t you?! I bet you do! Tatsumaki: Unforgivable! You baldy! Light bulb! Rice grain! Saitama: Not really. Tatsumaki: Egg! Ball! Bean! Saitama: Hold on a sec! Saitama: The weakness Sonic was talking about…is this it? Saitama: That bastard! Did he just pretend to be me so he could drag my name through the mud?! Sonic: Heh, I’ve had enough of playing hero. Sonic: Seems like the only way to beat him is to continue honing my skills as a ninja. Sonic: That said… Sonic: As long as he’s fighting monsters, Sonic: I will not attack him.

Junior high school student Saitama Episode 3
Sonic to transfer to Z Municipal Peace Middle School to settle a dispute with Saitama. Currently, there is a sports festival. Sonic, who wanted to beat Saitama, has become on the same team as him and struggles to win.

Puri-Puri-Prisoner:

Sweet Mask:

Sonic:

Drive Knight:

Saitama (Sa): In this universe, there exists another world different from our world, a parallel world. This is another me, another Saitama, who lives in that parallel world.

Sonic (So): And I, Speed o' Sound Sonic, who went out of my way to transfer to Z Municipal Peace Middle School to settle my dispute with this Saitama!

Sa: (Well, there he is.)

Sa: (What's with the attitude?)

So: On the blood-covered battlefield known as the Sports Festival, in truth I was not really motivated for it, but I was unconsciously beginning to display my true abilities as the strongest ninja, and would unexpectedly become the star of the Sports Festival!

Sa: (It's just at a regular middle school sports festival.)

Sa: (I guess there are guys like that, who pretend they aren't motivated but are actually super excited.)

Sa: (Huh, so you really participated that much?)

So: This... is the lightning-speed sports documentary that recorded my heroism!

So: It’s the day before the Sports Festival.

So: To do image training for the bread eating contest, I was running to school eating a piece of bread.

Sa: You are fully motivated, aren’t you. I haven’t seen a guy like that.

So: Well now, Speed-o’-Sound Sonic, this is the last lap and I’m on one last straight line. It’s the last spot!

So: Fast! Fast! Crazy speed! Now, overtake Saitama running in front of you! Eh, seriously?!

Boom

So: Why the hell were you there on the last straight line?!

Sai: Huh? You tripped and fell on your own, what are you talking about?

So: gasp Hmph, you’ve got the wrong idea.

So: Running to school eating a piece of bread to do image training for the bread eating contest...

So: ...I was doing nothing of the sort! Not at all!

Sa: We don't even have a bread eating contest at our Sports Festival.

So: Eh… Anyway, tomorrow's sports day, be prepared for it! I’ll beat you up until you can’t stand, without fail!

So: I’ll turn the sports day into a bloodbath!

Sai: Uhh, you and I are on the same go-home club team.

So: Eh.. Uh… Hmph…

Music and fireworks

PPP: Sooo, let’s start this year’s Z-City Peace Junior High School Sports Day.

PPP: A physical festival, where muscles will clash with muscles!

PPP: I’m Puri Puri Prisoner, the speaker, i’m very fond of young boys.

PPP: And for the commentator… the well-known first-year junior high school student, Sweet Mask chan is joining us!

SM: Thank you for having me.

PPP: Well then, Amai Mask chan, you hold your annual winning streak with your Student Council team: what’s your outlook for this year?

AM: It goes without saying. This year too, my Student Council team will win without fa-

So: Hehehehehhehe. You’re pretty foolish, Student Council.

AM: Huh! You are…

So: chuckles

AM: Who are you?

PPP: This month a new student was transferred in this school for an exchange draft, B-group, attendance number 8. You’re Speed-o’-Sound Sonic-chan! You prefer a 40-degree temperature for your baths, and you enter the bathtub from the right. And apparently you don’t sleep in a bed but in a futon.

So: Ugh, why do you know so much about me!

PPP: It’s natural for teachers to keep the profile of their cutest students.

So: Anyway! This year's "go-home club team", teamed up with me, Speed o' Sound Sonic, their Golden Rookie, will be on a completely different level than before!

SM: Hmph. So the number of small fries increased by one-

So: I’m not alone.

So: The only man I consider a rival, Saitama! His gofer, the cyborg Genos! Furthermore, the strongest man, King is also here!

So: With those three, everything should be treated very seriously!

PPP: Are you talking about those 3 hurriedly eating over there?

Genos (Ge): Captain Saitama, what would you like as ingredients for the rice balls?

Sai: Salmon for me.

Ge: And you King senpai?

King (K): Tuna.

So: Hey! What are you doing relaxing! The fight is about to start!

Sa: Hm? Mmm..mmm… You wanna eat too? gulp Genos’s Fried Rice Balls are pretty tasty.

So: Mm, well now, let me see.

So: Mmmh, the sweet savoury smell of soy sauce with barley rice flour is- HEY YOU ALL!

Ge: Hmph. The Rice Balls weren't for you in the first place.

So: Tch, this guy.

AM: Did you already fall out with your friends? You can’t challenge our strongest student council team in such a mess.

AM: You should know your social standing. You’re an eyesore. It’s best if you quickly run home.

So: Such a way of talking…

So: You all! Aren’t you annoyed by how he’s talking to us!

Sa: Genos, grab me a barley tea?

King: Yeah, me too!

Ge: Ah, yes!

So: These guys are hopeless. They don’t listen at all…

AM: Heh, good luck with that. It’s going to be useless though. Hahahaha.

So: Tch, you bastards! You’ve acted like this all the time！

Ge: It’s according to plan. With this, the student council has let their guard down.

So: What?!

So: That means, could it be… their lax behaviour up until now…

Ge: Hmph, obviously. It was a fake in order to fool the opponent. Right, Captain Saitama?

Sa: Mh? What did you say?

Ge: Sonic, was it? How can’t you understand that even though you say you’re a ninja?

So: Uh...

So: I don't like your tone of voice, but....

So: I see. As expected of Saitama. I don’t see you as my rival for nothing.

PPP: And noooow, the first event, the mock cavalry battle is starting.

PPP: All contestants, please reach your friends!

Ge: Now then, Captain Saitama, King Senpai, let’s head into battle!

Sai: Ehhh, I'm full from overeating Rice Balls. Is it necessary to have four people? What a drag.

So: This isn’t a strategy at all is it!

SM: After all, the mock cavalry battle finished and naturally our student council team’s victory was secured. The home team was totally unfocused. But I won’t talk about it, because it was quite an embarrassing sight.

So: What a way of talking…

PPP: Well, apparently the Student Council Team is overwhelmingly above the others and leads the chart as of now.

AM: It seems the match is settled.

So: The student council team is 1280 points ahead huh. But there’s one last match.

So: The opposition club activities relay is left!

King: That's right, I believe the team that wins the relay gets 9 times the points.

Sa: Wait, that's way too many.

Ge: I see. If we win the relay, that means we can win by 8,999,999,998,720 points, then.

Sa: Huh. Did we really need that calculation?

So: Anyway! The game starts now! Just you watch, Student Council!

AM: Hahahaha, I could say the same to you from the horrible state you seem to be in.

AM: Everyone! They may be in last place, but the Go-Home Team is desperately trying hard, so please give them a round of applause!

AM: However, I, Amai Mask, pledge that my Student Council team will win the final opposition club activities relay, and achieve complete overall victory.

crowd applauding

So: Tch, what an unpleasant guy.

AM: Good luck to you all, even though I think you’re hopeless.

So: You all, despite being made such a fool of, you’re still-

Ge: All according to plan, this time for sure the Student Council has let their guard down.

So: gasp

So: So you mean... this pathetically slow start... I can't believe it!

Ge: Obviously, this is the final event that will decide everything.

Ge: It was a strategy to retain stamina until the opposition club activities relay. Right, captain Saitama?

Saitama: Man, I'm gettin' sleepy now.

So: I see, to deceive your opponents, you must first start with your allies. I was completely deceived.

So: Alright! Well then, let’s decide on our running order immediately!

Ge: Captain Saitama, what number would you like?

Saitama snoring

K: He’s having a sound nap.

So: This definitely isn’t a strategy at all is it!

PPP: Ok, time for the final event! The activity is the relay fight! The winning team will not only receive 9 times the points, but also a prize of 50 thousand yen!

So: Eh!?

K: Oh, you woke up.

So: So basically, I’ll be running for all 3 people?!

Sa: Well, what number do you want me to run in, Sonic?

So: Saitama…

Ge: Captain…

PPP: Well then, starting off with our first runners -- for the Student Council, their secretary, Drive Knight Chan!

DK: At last, it’s my turn…

PPP: And the go-home team self proclaimed vice captain, Genos-chan!

Ge: For the sake of the Go-Home club, I cannot lose!

PPP: Everyone is ready for the start...

mechanical sound

PPP: Wow, Drive Knight-chan! The lower half of his mechanical body transformed into a horse-shaped one!

PPP: Amai Mask chan, isn’t this foul play?

AM: Obviously, this is not foul play. As the opponent is also a cyborg.

PPP: That’s true…

DK: Genos-kun… This is the latest model lower body I prepared for this Sports Festival. The likelihood of you winning again such equipment is next to zero.

Ge: hmph, next to zero you say?

DK: That’s right. Therefo-

Ge: So you mean, it’s not zero, right.

mechanical noise

PPP: The race finally begins! Drive Knight chan and Genos chan, the two advance at a speed that far surpasses human expectations!

running and trotting noise

PPP: Oh, as expected, the performance is different. Drive Knight chan is leading.

DK: Of course...

Ge: I see. Naturally, I can’t best him in leg power. However…

mechanical sound

Ge: Incineration cannon!

Explosions noise

PPP: Ah, what was that?! Drive Knight-chan was blown away by Genos-chan’s Incineration cannon and went out of bounds! And in that moment, Genos-chan has pulled ahead!

AM: That damn Go-home team…

AM: The use of weapons is against the rules!

So: What an idiot! That’s nowhere in the Sports Festival’s guidebook!

AM: Son of a... If it's come to this, I'll just use my position in the Student Council to mark this as a loss for the Go-Home Club due to foul play...

DK: There is no need for that.

AM: Drive Knight!?

DK: I told you, didn’t I? My equipment is the latest model.

DK: If you are going to come at me with weapons, I will counter-attack with even stronger weapons.

DK: Tactical Transformation: Sports Festival Special.

PPP: Oh, Drive Knight-chan’s horse part transformed again! This time it transformed into a missile!

PPP: Ah, look out Genos chan!

ruckus

PPP: The missile shot by Drive Knight-chan landed! Genos-chan’s body is in pieces. I feel so sorry, Genos-chan! Drive Knight-chan goes right past him!

DK: Sorry, Genos-kun. However, this is reality.

PPP: How can you call this a sports festival anymore?! The other runners have lost their fighting spirit and are falling apart one after another!

AM: As expected of Drive Knight. This match is already over.

G: I wonder about that.

AM: Hah! Genos-kun, with that broken down body, what can-

G: Rocket Punch!

AM?: What?!

Genos’s theme playing

PPP: Oh! Genos’s right hand holding the baton is flying off at even faster speed!

DK: Huh, impossible.

PPP: In a blink of an eye, the second place runner flies past Drive Knight to Sonic-chan!

G: Even if my body is broken and scattered into pieces, I will definitely pass the baton! That is the spirit of the going-home club team!

So: Hmph. Good performance for someone who’s Saitama’s errand-boy.

So: Now it’s up to me, Speed o’ Sound Sonic!

PPP: Wow! The Go-Home team takes the lead, and right after that, the baton of the Student Council team goes to its second player, Flashy Flash-chan!

DK: Forgive me, Flash. It’s up to you now.

Flash (FF): Leave it to me.

So: I’m gonna win this by a landslide！

PPP: Now; it’s a match between Speed o’ Sound Sonic chan and Flashy Flash chan!

PPP: Both have the cute face and speed I love so much. So, so fast!

So: That Student Council guy, he’s not bad…

So: Still, can you actually follow me like this?

FF: Seems like a good runner for the Go-Home team...

FF: still, don’t think you can win against me in speed!

PPP: They both fast, Fast, FAST!! I mean, they’re so fast I can't see them at all! I can’t see anything, it’s all enveloped in a cloud of dust!

So: Alright, take it, Saitama!

Sa: Eh? Where?

Sa: I got dust in my eyes, I can’t see a thing.

So: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? QUICKLY TAKE THE BATON!

FF: Take it, Zombieman!

Zombieman (ZM): Right, nice job Flash!

So: Hey, carry across the baton Saitama!

Sa: I can’t remove the dust in my eyes…

So: JUST RUN SAITAMA!!!

PPP: Anyway, I couldn’t see anything at all, but it seems like the third runners, Saitama-chan and Zombieman-chan started at almost the exact same time!

So: It seems that everyone has had a chance to see Sonic at the speed of sound!！

PPP: Nope, I didn't see you at all, Sonic chan.

So: What?

PPP: Nobody could see it, too bad.

So: Eh…?

FF: Hey, are you alright? You look like you’re on the brink of death.

PPP: Meanwhile, Saitama is nowhere to be seen!

So: Huh, what did you say!?

PPP: Saitama chan, where did you go off to?

sound effect

Sa: Huh, wait a sec. This scenery is a bit unfamiliar-

BOOM Tropical music

Sa: Eh? Where am I…?

Sa: Ah by any chance, did I take the wrong course? Crap…

Sa: I was running without seeing anything because of the dust...

Sa: Hey this is a jungle…

Sa: Crap, I need to get back quickly.

animal roaring

Sa: Hmm? Something about the animals...

Boom Weird laugh/cry

Sa: Are you… a monster?

Monster (M): That’s right. I’m a poacher that was monsterfied after a trip to the jungle! With my overwhelming physical ability that was trained to perfection in the jungle, and my hunting instincts, I now reign at the pinnacle of this jungle's ecosystem. As the ultimate invasive species, I will tear people like you, who don the mantle of civilization and allow your physical abilities to devolve, limb from pale civilized limb--

BOOM

Sa: Oops… I should have asked that monster now about which way to Z-City.

Sa: Ah well, it’s probably that way-

Boom

PPP: While Saitama-chan is absent, Zombiman is still running alone!

ZM: Why can’t I see anybody, is this not the sports festival? What am I even racing against? Can I just keep running like this?

AM: Don’t think about it Zombieman, just keep running like that.

ZM: All- Alright, Amai Mask.

So: Damn it, where did Saitama go off to! Hey Genos!

Ge: There’s only one possibility I can think of.

So: What is it?

Ge: He might have gone home.

So: What!? Why in the absolute hell would anyone go home at a time like this!?

Ge: How Naive. You still don’t know anything about the go-home club.

AM: Hmph, looks like this time the match is over.

So: NNGHHHH

Beeping-like sounds

Genos: I sense something, it’s coming!

AM: What!?

PPP: Oh, he’s finally back here, Saitama-chan!

Seigi Shikkou playing

Sa: Sorry, sorry. I went the wrong way…

So: What were you doing, you idiot!

Sa: It’s your fault for spreading dust clouds everywhere.

PPP: However, Zombieman-chan is a long way away in the lead now.

AM: You’re too late.

So: Well, I wonder about that!

AM: What?

Sa: Alrighty, this time I won’t make a mistake.

BWOOSH

PPP: Fa- fa- fast!

Ge: As expected, Captain! His eyes have gone red, probably because money is on the line!

PPP: Saitama chan easily passed Zombieman chan!

ZM: Fast, way too fast!

PPP: And he’s rapidly gaining a wide lead.

AM: Impossible! That plain looking faced guy can’t be this fast!-

Crunch

PPP: Ohh… Amai Mask chan crushed his microphone…

PPP: Mr. Saitama gets ready and passes the baton to King-chan, the anchor!

Sa: I leave the rest to you.

K: Yeah…

PPP: On the other hand the Student Council Team, Zombieman is still far away back.

Ge: As expected Captain Saitama!

So: With this, the match is over.

AM: Nope, you’re pretty naive huh Go-Home team.

So: Huh?

AM: Have a look at our final runner. Can you still say that?

OST: Dark Energy

So: What did you say?

Tatsumaki (T): Hey, why are you running so sluggish! Hurry up and bring the baton to me!

Ge: Tha… That is…

AM: That’s right. The student council vice president. Tornado of Terror!

T: Ugh, I can’t wait anymore!

splash sound

PPP: AAAAAAH! Tatsumaki burst Zombieman’s body into tiny pieces with her Psychokinesis!

PPP: Aaaaand, the baton was passed on to Tatumaki-chan as if it were being carried by water.

So: Gah! In order to win… she even killed her ally!

ZM: No, I’m fine. Since I'm immortal.

Sa: Ah, is that so? I’m glad you’re okay.

ZM: Excuse me, but could you please gather the pieces of flesh scattered over there.

Sa: Sure. Though are you really fine?

AM: Now then, go Tatsumaki, show the power of our student council team!

T: I'll go without you having to say a damn thing, moron! Don't you dare boss me around and give me orders while your useless ass is just sitting back and relaxing in the commentator's seat! You disgust me. Why don't you just go on home with the Go-Home Club?!

PPP: Whoa! Tatsumaki-chan unexpectedly beat the Go-Home Club to the punch by telling him (AM) to go home!

PPP: Amai Mask-chan, is there anything you wish to say towards Tatsumaki-chan?

AM: Fufu

PPP: Amai Mask-chan is just barely able to maintain his smile, but it is at maximum twitching! As usual, today Tatsumaki-chan is emanating an aura of range in all directions!

T: Every last one of them, they can’t do anything without me. Here I go!

wind sfx

crowd panic

PPP: Aaah Tatsumaki-chan’s extremely powerful psychokinesis! There’s an actual tornado invading the campus!

PPP: The students --gagh, and even the tent we’re in, are getting blown away--gaah!

T: HAAAAAAAAAA!

winds intensify

PPP: King-chan.. Where is King-chan!

Sa: Ah, there right?

PPP: The object being blown away with tremendous force… K.. King chan!?

Ge: No, he’s not being blown away...

So: He’s riding the wind!

Sound of something lowering down

Tatsumaki: Huh?

PPP?: WHAT!?

PPP: With tremendous force King chan has wooooooooon!

PPP: The winner is the go-home club team!

cheers

K: Hm, what happened to me?

Sa: You did it, King!

Ge: As expected, King-senpai!

So: This is the world’s strongest man’s power…

T: You’re the one I lost to, it can’t be helped…

Amai: Cheers to you...

PPP: Congratulations, the MVP is King!

Crows woos

Saitama: Nice, let’s eat barbecue with the prize money.

King: Yeah. Though before that… I’m gonna swing by the infirmary.

Acknowledgements
Great thanks to the following people for providing the translations
 * hdx514 for Sonic, Becoming Saitama translation