Audiobooks

A Festival with Saitama
Translated the drama CD track from the One Punch Man Vol. 1 DVD, titled ‘A Festival with Saitama,’ where Saitama and Genos go to a summer festival together. Enjoy!

—

Saitama: One Punch Man Special CD, a Festival with Saitama.

Saitama: On that day, I was in quite a hurry.

Saitama: All right! And with that, I’m done washing my laundry. Hey Genos, did you get the clothes?

Genos: Yes! I have finished collecting the clothes, Sensei.

Saitama: Awesome, so once we’re done folding the clothes we can be done with these chores. I’ll help with the folding.

Genos: No, it’s fine!

Saitama: But there are this many t-shirts alone, so if we do it together it’ll be much faster. C’mon give me a few so I can help out.

Genos: It’s okay. I am very confident in my folding skills. Look at this, Sensei!

* folds the clothes*

Saitama: Dang, you’re right. You’re super methodical.

* folds another shirt*

Genos: Ah! What was that?

Saitama: Is something wrong?

Genos: What just happened? What is the meaning of this…the speed of Sensei’s folding…it’s not normal! *calculating* TWO SECONDS!

Saitama: Why are you suddenly speaking so loudly?

Genos: With my calculations, even at the fastest speed, folding these t-shirts would still take five seconds.

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: But then with this over-accuracy, there is a possibility that I would damage the fabric of the shirt.

Saitama: What the?

Genos: BUT SENSEI ONLY TOOK TWO SECONDS AND―

Saitama: What?

Genos: Not only that, but not an inch is out of place! The shirt is perfectly folded!

Saitama: Genos, what’s wrong?

Genos: How is this possible?

Saitama: Hey, why did you grow so serious all of a sudden? Genos?

Genos: SENSEI!

Saitama: Whaat?

Genos: Please fold this t-shirt one more time.

Saitama: But I just did!

Genos: No, please once more!

Saitama: Huh? Are you interested in how I fold things? Okay so one more time…I’ll demonstrate with this t-shirt right here.

Genos: Yes!

Saitama: You ready? So you take the two sides of the t-shirt like so, put them against each other and then you just kind of flip it over and look! Didja see that? It folds instantly! Amazing, right?

Genos: Amazing…as expected of Sensei!

Saitama: Eh? You’re that surprised?

Genos: Sensei, where did you learn such an amazing method of folding shirts?

Saitama: I was watching TV and saw this show about how to save time by doing…HEY YOU! Why are you messing up the clothes I just folded JEEZ? You must be kidding me!

Genos: I see now…With this t-shirt folding mechanism in place, I seem to be hung up on an existing form of this art.

Saitama: Are you even listening?

Genos: I understand now, Sensei! For a normal way of folding t-shirts, you would first place the back of the shirt facing up, fold the two arms in, and then fold the shirt in half. Just like that, right?

Saitama: Yeah, I guess so. Yeah…

Genos: But Sensei’s method is different! I have captured a bias in that form.

Saitama: Uh…what are you talking about?

Genos: For the sake of speed and progress, you change the way you fold your clothes. It is an impeccable change of thought process! As expected of you, Sensei!

Saitama: Like I said, people who know how to do it this way would do it like me. And besides, I just saw some lifestyle improvement tips from the TV that included this anyway!

Genos: Please wait a moment, Sensei. I need to write this in my memo.

Saitama: Just memorize it normally. Okay, whatever. Just hurry up and clean up since today I would like to―

Genos: Now that you mention it, you did say you were looking forward to some event today, right? What kind of event was it?

Saitama: Oh, did I not tell you? Today is―

* cellphone rings*

Genos: So Sensei, what was this important thing you were trying to tell me again?

Saitama: Wait, aren’t you going to pick that up? I’m interested in what’s going on.

Genos: Oh, uh…okay. Hello? Yeah, it’s me. Oh really? Where?

Saitama (to himself): That guy…there are things I just don’t get about him. And we ended up not folding anything! That guyyyyy!!!!!!

Genos: It’s a call from the Hero Association.

Saitama: What did they say? A monster appeared?

Genos: Yes, today in Z City a single monster has been advancing within the premises. At the moment, we are waiting on confirmation. According to witnesses, this monster does not seem to be a major threat. The level of the monster is low, so Sensei will not need to be involved in such trivial matters.

Saitama: Oh? So I don’t need to go?

Genos: Yes, although the Hero Association did call for us, I do not think that it is necessary as Sensei is looking forward to the event later today anyway. If absolutely necessary, I can handle this alone.

Saitama: Really? By the way, where is the thing located? When it’s over let’s meet up.

Genos: It’s in Central Park.

Saitama: What…did you just say Central Park?

Genos: Yes. I did.

Saitama: Wha―whaaaaatttt!?!?!?!?!?

—

Festival Monster: Ehehehe! I finally made it to the festival! All of this stuff was made for me to destroy! Yes, I will never forgive the stupid summer festivals for ruining me! I’m going to destroy it all! I became so jealous of all these girls and boys attending the festival and got so angry that I became a monster! I am the Loner Festival Monster!

Saitama: Hey, you!

Festival Monster: Who are you? Some kind of random priest?

* punch*

* monster goes flying*

Festival Monster: Guess I’m off!!!!!

Saitama: I’m not bald! And this is a yukata!

Genos: Sensei!

Saitama: Ah, Genos! Seems like the monster has not interrupted the preparations of the festival!

Genos: Yes, the monster did not cause a large commotion yet.

Saitama: Thank god we made it in time. But it was super risky! If this guy were to really mess things up, the Summer Festival would be cancelled!

Genos: Sensei…do you mean that the event you were very excited about was this festival?

Saitama: Yeah, this festival.

Genos: That’s what I thought. I am not sure what makes festivals so fun, but if Sensei says so, then perhaps there is something more than meets the eye at these ordinary events that might be linked to why you are so powerful…?

Saitama: No no, that’s not it! Stuff like this is just FUN! It helps you forget the bad times! See? Festivals are the epitome of Summer! Look at all the kakigori (shaved ice) and yakisoba (fried noodles), and all the bustling food stands! For a normal young person, this kind of stuff really gets you in the mood, right?

Genos: I am sorry, Sensei. I am not like other normal human beings as I have artificial parts and…

Saitama: No, this has nothing to do with parts! *sighs* I just thought that, well, you’re always fighting monsters and taking all these notes, always being so serious and putting yourself under stress. I thought that maybe going out to places like this will be good for you. And it’s free too…

Saitama: I see…I guess you’re not really into those kind of things? Well, it’s been a really long time for me as well…

Genos: No, it’s not that I am not interested in this, but it’s more like I do not know much about it.

Saitama: Eh? Do you mean you’ve never come to a festival before?

Genos: No, it is a bit different. I do have memories of coming to a festival when I was very young with my family, but I am not sure if that memory is real or not. I have been so caught up in my goal that I try not to remember much about my past.

Saitama: Oh, I see. I assumed so. You seem to be quite complex. It’s my bad…

Genos: No, it’s fine! I see now… so this is what a festival is like!

* Bon Odori music starts playing*

Saitama: Seems like the Bon Odori* is about to start over there!

Genos: Bon…Odori?

Saitama: Shall we go, Genos?

Genos: Of course! Let us go together, Sensei!

Saitama: Yup! Besides, we already defeated the monster today as well!

Genos: Right! And if we hurry, we can go back home and fold the rest of the t-shirts, Sensei!

Saitama: Wait, you’re talking about THAT? *nudges Genos* Jeez, that’s all on you man, since you’re all about that!

Genos’s Fireworks
Translated the One Punch Man Vol. 2 Drama CD, Genos’s Fireworks. This track is a continuation of Saitama and Genos at the summer festival from the Vol. 1 DVD. The two are supposed to go watch the fireworks together but things get in the way and anyway…Enjoy!

—– Genos: One Punch Man, Special CD Mini Drama: Genos’ Fireworks — Genos: Yes, Doctor Kuseno, I was still so inexperienced. There are so many things in this world that I had no idea about. During that day, I went with Saitama-sensei to the summer festival.

—

Genos: Fireworks?

Saitama: Yes, fireworks! The fireworks spectacular here in this festival is a huge thing! There are even two areas that shoot them!

Genos: Is that so?

Saitama: Hey, have you even seen fireworks before?

Genos: No, I have not. However, I do know what they are.

Saitama: Oh I see. Seeing fireworks in person is super thrilling! Look forward to it.

Genos: Yes!

Saitama: Also Genos, look carefully where you’re stepping on the floor. During festivals there are a lot of coins that fall from people’s pockets. Just kidding lol.

Genos: Sensei!!

Saitama: No, that was a joke!

Genos: What is that round thing you have been chewing in your mouth?

Saitama: Ah, oh this? It’s a candied plum.

Genos: That’s the first time I’ve seen it. Is it edible?

Saitama: Of course it is. Why would I put something that’s not food in my mouth?

Genos: Perhaps for jaw strength training?

Saitama: What do you think I am, a dog? There are a lot of food, like this candied plum, that are only available at festivals, so it’s pretty fun to eat them.

Genos: Is that so?

Saitama: Other stuff at festivals are buttered potatos, chocolate bananas, and savory items like grilled ayu fish, etc. There are tons of special foods available only at festivals.

Genos: I see! I shall take a note of this.

Saitama: Do you not have something you want to eat?

Genos: Not in particular…

Saitama: That’s kind of a let down.

Genos: I do not have any likes or dislikes.

Saitama: That’s not what I meant. Oh, okay how about this? Want to try balloon fishing?*

Genos: Balloon…fishing?

Saitama: Yes, balloon fishing or goldfish scooping, super ball scooping! These carnival games are super popular at festivals too.

Genos: Balloon fishing, goldfish scooping, and super ball scooping…? Sensei, what exactly is fun about—

Saitama: STOP RIGHT THERE! It’s just about the atmosphere, the ATMOSPHERE! If you can get excited and have fun, that’s fine! Don’t think about it too much and just see all that’s around you and you’ll be fine.

Genos: I see now! There are many things here!

Saitama: Yes! I used to work at festivals part-time when I was younger, and big festivals even have haunted houses!

Genos: This is very informative to me!

Saitama: Since we’re here, why don’t you try out one of these games?

Genos: No, it’s fine. I don’t have any cash on me right now.

Saitama: I’ll pay for you! As long as it’s under 500yen.

Genos: Thank you so much, Sensei!

Saitama: What would you like to do?

Genos: That one!

Saitama: The shooting game?

Genos: Yes, just by glancing at it, I feel like it’s meant for me.

Saitama: The rules of a shooting game go like this, you’re supposed to get the prize to fall down by aiming the gun at it, but even though it looks easy, it’s really hard to get it to fall. Let’s see, 200yen right? Give me a sec.

Genos: I do not require a gun, Sensei. Please stand back.

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: Target locked. Incinera—

Saitama: Stop that you idiot! You’ll burn the place down!

Genos: Why did you stop me, Sensei?

Saitama: I was right— the shooting game is not for you and far too dangerous.

Genos: But—! Then what else would be fu—

Saitama: AHHHHH! Hey uhh, you feeling hungry? I smelled something really good grilled squid back there!

Genos: Grilled squid? Ah! *calculating* This smell is…gun smoke?

Saitama: Where’s this good smell?

Genos: Yes, it does have a smell, Sensei.

Saitama: Ah!

Genos: What if this is from a monster? No, that can’t be right.

Saitama: Aha! Found the grilled squid! I’ll go buy some— just wait here.

Genos: It’s close to here. There seems to be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 enemy piles!

Genos: Sensei, the dangerous presence I felt was— Sensei!? Guess it can’t be helped. I need to go alone.

Genos: And with that, I left Saitama-sensei to face the threat alone. It was there that I—

—

Genos: It’s here. It’s as I expected, there is a ton of ammunition here. I’m not sure what purpose have they been gathered here, but there’s no doubt that whoever set this here is up to no good.

Old Man: Hey who goes there?

Genos: !!!

Old Man: What are you doing there? This place is off limits.

Genos: That’s my line. What are YOU doing here? Depending on your answer, I will either incinerate you or spare you.

Old Man: Eh?

Genos: What? I sense some immense energy coming from the sky!

Genos: These guys— it seems that they’ve begun their attack!

Old Man: Hey, why are you making that face? This place is really dangerous!

Genos: Perhaps their aim is to come flying in with an attack. But their enemy leader could also be present within that. If it was Sensei…if it was Sensei what would he do?

Old Man: Hey, hey you! Just look at that right there! Right there! Get a hold of yourself, and I won’t do anything to you.

Genos: If I were Sensei, yes. He would first try to hold back the enemy attack and reduce it to the minimum with his strength.

Old Man: Ah? Noo—! Gah…

—

Saitama: Man, where did Genos go? I told him to wait for me. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll come back eventually. Ah, seems like the fireworks started.

Saitama: Eh? What was that, a dud? Looked like a small explosion. Maybe I’m just overthinking things…

—

Genos: I’m sorry, doctor. If I was not so hasty, I wouldn’t have to come in for these unnecessary repairs. However, because of this, I was able to obtain new knowledge. That’s right, the sheer power of fireworks! Saitama-sensei, I will try to become stronger!

Sonic at that Summer Festival
Translated the One Punch Man Vol. 3 DVD Special CD Drama.

Sonic watches Saitama looking for Genos at the Summer Festival. Saitama asks Sonic twice if he saw where Genos went off to because he wants to watch the fireworks with Genos. The kakigori stand guy asks Sonic and Saitama if they want kakigori and gives them a deal if they order together. Then Sonic and Saitama have a kakigori eating contest to see who finishes their first and Sonic gets a brain freeze. Afterwards, Sonic leaves and Saitama ends up having to pay 800 yen for both their kakigori.

Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish
Translated the Amai Mask Drama track from the One Punch Man Vol. 4 DVD Special CD Drama “Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish”. Enjoy the prolonged poop jokes lol…

—–

Saitama: One Punch Man Special CD Mini Drama Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish

Saitama: On that day, Sweet Handsome Mask was having the first concert of his dome tour. Even though Amai Mask always seems very put together and perfect in front of the cameras, he’s only human.

Saitama: Every time before his live concerts, he avoids people and his an internal struggle with all the pressure that he experiences.

* Amai Mask locks himself in a toilet stall*

Saitama: On that day, just like his usual ritual of going to the bathroom to give himself a mental pep talk, he tried to concentrate but…

Amai Mask: *hits head* Why am I like this? I’m always very confident, but why do I always get like this. *slam*

Saitama: That day was a very special day. Amai Mask was going to drop the title of his very anticipated new song. However, although he tried up until the last minute to think of a good song title, he just couldn’t get a good idea even right before the start of his live concert.

Amai Mask: Damnit, there’s no more time left. Nothing is coming out! Can I even decide on a title?

* Someone knocks on the stall*

Amai Mask: Agh! I wonder if someone is worried about me. Maybe they asked for some staff to check up on me. Man, I’m really sorry about this, but I really haven’t decided on a title yet. I’m completely out of good ideas.

Saitama: So that’s why Amai Mask locked himself in the toilet stall.

* More knocking on the stall*

Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but please wait just a bit longer!

Saitama: I did not know about this story until a bit later; however, these events happened before I met Genos, when I was still training alone to be a hero. I ended up having to stay somewhere nearby this concert place and came to do some part-time construction work here, but I didn’t know what exactly was going on. All I knew was that I was waiting for this toilet door to open.

* Knocks again*

Saitama: Man, this guy is literally taking forever. Give me a break, holy crap!

* Stomach growling*

Saitama: That afternoon I ate a bento lunch box that was actually expired, so I really needed to you know, take care of some things quickly. But then there was this guy inside the toilet that was taking forever with his business. I felt like I was going to explode.

* Heavier knocking*

Saitama: Hey man, are you done yet?

Amai Mask: I know I know!

Saitama: You know?

Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but I’m really concentrating hard right now with this. Can you please not talk to me?

Saitama: Eh? Ah…

Amai Mask: This moment is EXTREMELY important to me!

Saitama: Oh…uh…I uh…I see…

Amai Mask: Yes.

Saitama: Uh…

Amai Mask: It is a despair as deep as the ocean…

Saitama: I see…it uh…seems kinda…difficult…

Amai Mask: Yes. It’s been bothering me since last night. Couldn’t even sleep because of this.

Saitama: SINCE LAST NIGHT?!?!

Amai Mask: That is right. But the more I concentrated on this, nothing good came out!

Saitama: UHHH???

Amai Mask: This is a first for me too.

Saitama: I…see…

Amai Mask: I’m sorry for bothering you.

Saitama: Uh…no big, but uh…you think you’re going to take a while longer?

Amai Mask: Please wait just a little bit longer.

Saitama: Oh, I guess I’ll just go somewhere else then. I don’t want to bother you with your…stuff.

Amai Mask: No please stay here! When I’m here alone, I make no progress. Please listen to my stuff and help me out.

Saitama: Err…I really uh…if you say that um… *stomach growls*

Saitama: Let’s just say I’m kind of at my limit…

Amai Mask: Oh I see. I’m really sorry about this.

Saitama: Oh no no! You don’t need to apologize!

Amai Mask: But—! I’m almost done though! You see, I’m so close right now!

Saitama: Is that…so…???

Amai Mask: I can even see the shape now!

Saitama: SEE THE SHAPE!?

Amai Mask: Yeah, just a bit! Also, I’m just waiting for the cue to go now.

Saitama: What do you mean by “cue”? What if you shout “WOAH” really loudly? I feel like you’ll drop a pretty good load that way.

Amai Mask: Yes, of course. It seems like if I use force, something might come out.

Saitama: Eh? Then just LET IT COME OUT.

Amai Mask: Well then, I’ll just have to try to push out something great. You saw it too, didn’t you?

Saitama: WHAT THE!?

Amai Mask: But, when I’m alone nothing good comes out nicely.

Saitama: Nicely…?

Amai Mask: Yes, I don’t get a good response.

Saitama: A response!? Hey, what the hell are you talking about?

Amai Mask: I still have a lot more! I know without a doubt that there are much greater things inside of me just waiting to stir!

Saitama: Ooohh….uh…

Amai Mask: Do you not agree?

Saitama: I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, but I’ve never worried about uh…that…kind of stuff, if you know what I mean.

Amai Mask: You know what, you’re right.

Saitama: Um…

Amai Mask: A normal human being would never worry about something like this.

Saitama: Uh…I guess normal people don’t…

Amai Mask: Ah…

Saitama: But uh…even if it doesn’t come out, worrying about it doesn’t do anything. Stuff like this can’t really be accompanied by theory. From my own experience, if I’m stuck in a toilet, sometimes stuff just doesn’t come out that easily, but that’s not a cause for concern.

Saitama (to himself): Holy shit I am going to explode.

Saitama: Yes. Sometimes you just need to let it go. Just relax and forget about all your problems, and it’ll come out.

Amai Mask: OH! That’s it! You can’t do anything about it even if you worry about it. That is correct! Just empty out myself.

Saitama: Hnnnnghhhh yesssss….. That’s exactly what I think so uh….just come out of the toilet now so I can use it!!!!!

Amai Mask: For some reason, I think I get it now! Maybe it’s just as you say, instead of thinking about it too much, I’ll just think of it simply.

Saitama: Hngh…mmph!

Amai Mask: And also, I will go back to my roots.

Saitama: Oh…I have no idea what you are talking about, but it seems like you’re going to take a bit longer in there so I’m just gonna uh…go now…

Amai Mask: Oh, thank you so much though! Because of you, I feel a bit better.

Saitama: Oh yeah? Well uh, that’s just great! OKAY BYE!

Amai Mask: I understand myself now. Maybe I just needed someone to help me carry my burdens. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much!

* Gets out of the stall*

Amai Mask: By the way, you never told me your name—! Oh…what a good samaritan. Thank you again, unknown staff.

Saitama: And with that, even though we crossed paths without even knowing, luckily Amai Mask was able to proceed with his concert and use his new song as the theme song for his live. Some time after, his song was released in CD format, but well, that’s another story for later.

* During the concert*

Amai Mask: Thank you! Let’s get on with the next song! Listen up, my new song, “Beautiful Hero!”

A Summer Festival with Tatsumaki
Translated One Punch Man Vol. 5 Special CD Drama track with Tatsumaki and Fubuki! Fubuki: One Punch Man Special CD mini drama, “A Summer Festival with Tatsumaki.”

Fubuki: On that day, the Fubuki Group received a sealed letter from the Hero Association. The letter contained an invitation for an interview request to be published in their magazine.

*opens letter*

Fubuki: Although this isn’t a rare occurence, when I saw the theme of the interview, I felt slightly repulsed.

Fubuki: Ha? “Memories from a Summer Festival?” Why would I have recollection of a memory of such a trivial event? Although I said that, I suddenly remembered a memory of a summer day quite some time ago, when Z City was hosting a festival event one day.

—

AT THE MATSURI

Tatsumaki: Why. Why is there a haunted house in a place like this?

Fubuki: That day, I saw my sister standing in front of the haunted house, practically glued to it.

Fubuki: Huh? Is that…

Tatsumaki: Just what is the meaning of this?

Fubuki: Yes, it was the Tornado of Terror.

Tatsumaki: Oh! Maybe it’s one of those freak show places?

Fubuki: Hey, what are you doing?

Tatsumaki: Ah! Fubuki? What are you doing at a place like this?

Fubuki: I should be asking you the same question.

Tatsumaki: No particular reason. Just passing time.

Fubuki: Oh really?

Fubuki: By the way, did I mention that my sister is obsessed with candy apples and always comes to festivals just to buy them?

Tatsumaki: So, why are you here?

Fubuki: Patrol, I’m on patrol.

Tatsumaki: Patrol?

Fubuki: Yes, there are a lot of attendees at this festival right? That’s why the Fubuki Group must exercise our strong and powerful leadership to protect this special event.

Tatsumaki: Huh, so you’re still continuing on with that boring crap.

Fubuki: Yes, this is the kind of person my sister is. That’s why I sometimes act childish myself as well.

Fubuki: Well, in either case, Tatsumaki, don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of going into the haunted house?

Tatsumaki: Huh? Not…

Fubuki: Or should I say, you WANT to go but you’re too scared to?

Tatsumaki: HUHHHH NO WAY!

Fubuki: No, it’s totally fine. I’m sure even S Class heroes have something they’re scared of. It’s just natural. I’m also scared of ghosts, to be frank.

Tatsumaki: There is NOTHING that scares me. In fact, I was JUST about to enter the haunted house before you came along.

*storms off*

Fubuki: Afraid that I was trying to test her, my stubborn sister who hates losing went straight into the haunted house.

—

Tatsumaki: What’s that? This is…AHHHH! THIS IS JUST A NORMAL DOLL!

*creepy noises*

Tatsumaki: That’s also a doll, right? Wait, what? Someone is coming near me! What is that kappa** balding thing? AHHH something hit me! What is that? A balding samurai**? Hey, what the? Just wait there!

Tatsumaki: Sorry about this, but I’m not going to let you hurt me, so just stay a nice ghost while I just slowly creep by you and…

*uses her psychic powers*

Tatsumaki: Wait, what? WHAT? How come it’s still moving towards me? Why doesn’t my psychic power affect it?

*spooky noises*

Tatsumaki: No…no way…are you a real ghost? What’s the meaning of this?

Saitama: What’s this feeling? It’s as if my clothes are pulling itself tightly around me. Ow! My hair got stuck in it. Ouch! If it keeps on pulling like this my hair roots will—! Just wait a sec. Guess I need to just stand horizontally like this?

Tatsumaki: What happened? Huh? It’s coming towards me! What the hell is that? No I’m leaving! I’m leaving this place!

Saitama: Damn, this hurts. And it’s so dark I can’t see anything. What is going on?

*electricity goes out*

Tatsumaki: AH!

Saitama: Eh?

Tatsumaki: What’s this? IT IS COMPLETELY DARK NOW.

Saitama: What, a blackout?

Tatsumaki: I’M LEAVING!

Saitama: Hey you, you’re going the opposite way. You need to move forward step by step!

Tatsumaki: AHHH! It…it talked!?

Saitama: If you don’t keep moving forward, you’ll cause traffice for the guests behind you!

Tatsumaki: I…I know that!

*walkie talkie noises*

Saitama: Oh, looks like I’m getting a signal.

*mumbling, walkie talkie noises*

Saitama: Roger that. Seems like there’s been a blackout. Wait here until we make sure that it’s safe to proceed.

Tatsumaki: Nothing can stop ghosts though!

Saitama: Huh?

Tatsumaki: I’m going ahead. I said I’M GOING AHEAD!

Saitama: I just told you to wait for the safety check.

Tatsumaki: Don’t order me around!

Saitama: I’m not trying to order you around. It’s dangerous right now. In either case, just chill out.

Tatsumaki: What, a ghost is trying to tell ME to CHILL?

Saitama: Wait, I’m not a ghost.

Tatsumaki: Hmph. Well you don’t scare me one bit. Just tell me what you are.

Saitama: Sure ghosts might appear in your nightmares, but I’m telling you I’m just a normal part-time employee working here.

Tatsumaki: Don’t lie! If you weren’t a ghost, why did my psychic power not affect you?

*electricity turns on*

Saitama: Oh, the lights are back on. I need to go back into hiding, so I’ll take my leave now.

Tatsumaki: Just wait a minute! It’s still dark.

Saitama: Well it’s kind of a haunted house, y’know?

Tatsumaki: Err…

Saitama: Besides, it seems like it’s safe to proceed, so just go on ahead. Later. And don’t go the opposite way.

Tatsumaki: Just wait one second!

Saitama: Why?

Tatsumaki: Just now was just an accident, right? If you’re not a ghost, then tell me what exactly happened just now? If you don’t, I’ll call security on you.

Saitama: What the hell is with this annoying child.

Tatsumaki: So tell me, what is the cause of this?

Saitama: Uh, some kind of powerful magnet thing suddenly slammed into a sand bag and made the bag explode.

Tatsumaki: A magnet?

Saitama: Yeah. Because of that, it caused the electricity to go funky.

Tatsumaki: Oh…ha…

Saitama: I’m not sure what else happened, but uh, are you calling security on me or something?

Tatsumaki: IT’S FINE!

Saitama: Huh?

Tatsumaki: I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT’S FINE! YOU BALDING SAMURAI KAPPA MONSTER! JUST STAY AWAY FROM TROUBLE, YOU DUMBASS!

Saitama: Wha- what the hell is with this little kid?

—

Fubuki: So then after this, without paying attention to the fact that it was because of her psychic powers that the haunted house suffered a blackout, my sister ran out of the haunted house when I bumped into her again during my patrol, and said this.

Tatsumaki: This haunted house has a real ghost!

Fubuki: Ha?

Tatsumaki: When his identity was about to be revealed, he tried to cover up by saying he was a part-time employee, but for something to surpass even my psychic powers, it’s just proof that this was the real thing!

Fubuki: Are you sure it wasn’t a monster or something?

Tatsumaki: It wasn’t a monster! It was a real ghost, though he didn’t have evil intentions.

Fubuki: Uh…But…ghosts are…

Tatsumaki: So that’s why there’s the old saying that says when you’re telling ghost stories, real ghosts might appear!

Fubuki: I guess…

Tatsumaki: It’s the same concept. That’s why haunted houses sometimes also attract real ghosts! So be careful!

Fubuki: How am I supposed to believe something like—

Tatsumaki: Do you REALLY think that something can surpass MY psychic powers?

Fubuki: Ah!

Tatsumaki: Hmph!

—

Fubuki: When I saw my sister’s face at that moment, looking very grim and stern, I knew to not go against her. I could tell she was not lying. If there was a ghost or a being that would surpass even her psychic abilities, then it would definitely be a Dragon Level threat or more. Z City, a place full of rumors of strange and powerful monsters…it wouldn’t be a stretch to say something like that could exist there. That’s what I thought. Yes, that is my summer festival memory with my sister.

Fubuki: Why the hell am I remembering these thoughts about my sister? What kind of stupid question is this?

*rips paper*

Fubuki: It’s as I thought, we will definitely not be sponsoring this. I absolutely reject.

—–

T/N: **A kappa is a river monster (pictured left) that has a head of a duck with a little lily pad flower…thing on top of his head, and this name is used as slang to call people who are balding. Also, an “ochi musha” (pictured right) is a type of samurai with a haircut that looks like it’s balding:

One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD
Translated a short clip from the One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD with King, Genos, Saitama, and Mumen Rider. This clip is when Genos takes Saitama’s words to heart…literally LOL.

—–

Saitama: If you use your powers the right way, you’ll look super cool!

Genos: Augh!!!

King: It’s exactly as Saitama says.

Genos: Yes, that’s right! *fumbles around for his notebook and pencil* OH NO! I didn’t bring my notebook for my notes.

King: Just take those words to heart.

Genos: King… *starts drilling the words onto his chest*

King: What are you DOING!?

Genos: Using my pinky finger as a drill to engrave those words onto my chest.

King: I see…

Saitama: Look at this Genos, there are so many heroes out there! They all came here to see us heroes! You guys are going to be in the parade, aren’t you?

Genos: A parade…?

Saitama: Oh, you don’t know what that is? It’s kind of like that festival we went to!

One Punch Man Autumn Festival Event Live Drama Skit Synopsis
The Live Drama that the One Punch Man voice actors performed together during the One Punch Autumn Festival was incredibly hilarious and also very cute. Here’s a synposis of the skit. I’ll try to translate the entire skit one of these days with some clearer audio sources, but for now, please enjoy the summary (now with audio)!

—–

The skit starts off with Saitama and Genos at a Autumn Festival again, and Genos is asking Saitama if he wants to eat either the “normal” corn or the “Number 1 popular” corn. Saitama sees Genos all worked up and asks him, “Genos, are you having fun?” Genos looks at Saitama and says, “Fun? Having fun with what?” Saitama brushes it off and says, “Oh uh, nevermind.”

Saitama then says that previously, Genos wasn’t able to fully enjoy the first time they went to a festival together because he got too worked up. Saitama says that since Genos is still young, he wanted him to enjoy a proper festival, so when Genos invited him to go together, he said yes. When they get to the festival, Genos says that he wants to investigate what makes festivals so popular and feels that there is work to be done here, and Saitama sighs, but then says “Okay, I’ll tag along.” It’s kind of interesting he uses the word “tsukiau 付き合う,” which made some girls around me snicker crudely because it has a double meaning when it can also be interpreted as “I’ll date/go out with you” LOL. Genos says thank you to Saitama.

Anyway, so Genos tells Saitama he wants to check out the temple nearby as well as other activities in the festival. They first go to the shooting game, and Genos tells Saitama he wants “revenge for last time,” (last time he wanted to incinerate the entire shooting game stand but Saitama stopped him lol). Saitama asks Genos, “don’t you want to find the temple first though?” Genos says he’ll look for the temple later, and Saitama double checks with Genos to make sure he won’t incinerate the stand this time. Genos assures Saitama that he made a mistake about the rules last time, and this time he will play properly. Saitama says sure, and the two wait in line for the shooting game.

Genos notes that the guy who’s currenty playing the shooting game is taking forever, and he calls out to him saying, “Hey you over there. What’s the hold up? This is not a game.” And Saitama goes, “Wait no! This IS A GAME THOUGH!”

The guy Genos is yelling at turns out to be King, and Genos asks King, an S-Class hero, is here at a festival alone. The King Engine starts roaring (FUN FACT: The King Engine is actually King’s VA’s voice, NOT a sound effect!), and he tells Genos he comes here sometimes. Saitama says he wants to get some candy apples to eat while Genos interrogates King.

Genos then feels like there’s something off with the festival since there are heroes here. He tells Saitama he wants to investigate the source of why there are heroes at the festival as there might be some secret charm point that Saitama is not telling him about. Saitama says there’s nothing hero-related that is causing heroes to show up at the festival. Genos then tells Saitama, “I can tell in your eyes that you want me to find the real reason! I shall not fail you, Sensei!” but Saitama goes, “Uh, no. I’m just looking at you.” Genos then says, “I understand now, Sensei!” and blasts off into the sky.

Saitama then says, “Ahh, he left. Well, whatevs. He’ll come back soon. Guess I’ll just have to enjoy the festival alone for now.” He then looks for the candy apple stand.

When he gets to the candy apple stand, the customer in front of him buys the last two candy apples. Saitama gets mad and yells at the customer, only to find that it is Tatsumaki. He asks Tatsumaki, “Why the hell do you need two candy apples?” And Tatsumaki says, “It’s uh…it’s for my little sister!” Saitama then goes, “Your LITTLE sister? You’re a child yourself, how can you have a little sister?” Tatsumaki then gets furious at Saitama and storms off.

During this, Sonic is also at the festival and sees Saitama talking to Tatsumaki. He is about to call out to Saitama to challenge him once again when Puri Puri Prisoner finds Sonic looking at the crowd. He tells Sonic he looks delicious in his yukata, and Sonic is like “WHO ARE YOU? PURI PURI PRISONER WHY ARE YOU HERE? AND IN A FUNDOSHI (a traditional Japanese male thong)”

Puri Puri Prisoner then says, “Oh my…I didn’t expect to find you sexy little thing while on my hunt for guys in yukata.” Sonic then retorts saying, “What? You wanna go or something?” (He says “Jaa, yaru ka??じゃあ、やるか？！” which means do you want to fight? But it also has a double meaning which means, SHALL WE “DO IT?” LOLOL)

Puri Puri then says, “Ohh myyy! Of course I want to do you!” Sonic then says “Shit, that’s not what I meant. NO STAY AWAY!” And Puri Puri approaches him and says seductively, “I’ll be sure to make your wishes come true.” Sonic then shrieks and runs away, and Puri Puri Prisoner follows him saying, “Noooo Sonic-chan~ Don’t gooooo!!!”

Genos runs into Fubuki while he’s looking for the charm point of festivals, and he asks Fubuki what she’s doing here in the festival. Fubuki says she’s here on patrol with the Fubuki Gang in case there’s trouble at the festival, much like how she was on patrol in the Vol. 4 DVD Drama CD. Genos then says, “I knew it! There IS SOMETHING wrong with these festivals!” And Fubuki is like, “Wait, what? I didn’t say that…” Genos then asks Fubuki what’s the charm point of festivals. Fubuki is confused and goes like, “Um…charm point? Err…” Genos then asks Fubuki to show him what the charm point of festivals are since it seems that she has been to many festivals with the Fubuki Gang. Fubuki asks him what kind of answer is he looking for, and Genos replies, “My Sensei asked me to find the charm point of these festivals, but he himself will not tell me as this is a test.”

Fubuki then says, “Your…sensei?” Genos then says, “Saitama-sensei.” Fubuki asks, “You’ve been talking about your Sensei a lot as well as researching something, are you…a student or something?”

Genos then suddenly realizes that Saitama is not with him. He then exclaims, “Oh no! Where is Saitama-Sensei? Have you seen him around?” Fubuki then asks, “I just said, who is Saitama-sensei? I don’t even know who you’re talking about! What are you, a lost kindergartener?” Genos then freaks out and goes, “SAITAMA-SENSEI! WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?!???”

Fubuki then tells Genos that there’s going to be a Bon-Odori (a special dance that people do at festivals during the Summer/Autumn) event at 7pm, and that if he’s looking for a charm point, he should check out the dance area to see if he can find it. Genos thinks that the Bon-Odori is a battle, but Fubuki tells him it’s the main event of the festival where people gather together and dance. Fubuki then leaves Genos.

Genos is then walking around and remembers that Saitama did talk about the Bon-Odori. Saitama then sees Genos walking and says, “Genos! There you are! Hey Genos! Over hereeee~!!!” Genos then says, “SENSEI!!!”

Saitama tells Genos, “The Bon-Odori is going to start soon, so let’s go together!” Genos then says, “Where have you been, Sensei? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Saitama then replies, “Wait, but you’re the one who disappeared, so who exactly was looking for who? I just went to go buy some candy apples and ran into Tatsumaki and talked to her for a bit.”

Genos then notes, “Wait, why was another S-Class hero, Tatsumaki, here?” He then gets an alert in his systems that a fast-approaching thing is coming towards them. Saitama and Genos then see Sonic being chased by Puri Puri Prisoner. Genos then asks if Saitama thinks that Silver Fang or Atomic Samurai would be here as well, and Saitama says he does not think so.

Genos then says, “I see. So, this is what a festival really is! With all these heroes, I understand now!” Saitama then says, “At first Genos didn’t know the appeal of festivals, but after coming here this time around, he finally understood that it’s a place where people gather to have fun.”

Saitama then says, “Festivals are places where all types of strong heroes or just regular people gather. But moreso than that, it’s just a place to have fun!”

Genos then says, “I see now! So that means all the heroes might be heading towards the Bon Odori!” Saitama says, “Genos, if you think so then you might be able to find what makes these festivals charming!” Genos then grabs Saitama and says, “Sensei, let’s hurry to the Bon-Odori!” and Saitama says, “Hey hey, why are you in such a hurry?” While the characters VAs are dancing on-stage and singing, Genos says to Saitama after “seeing” Puri Puri Prisoner’s fundoshi (man thong), “Sensei, I want to wear a fundoshi too!” LOL

The Bon-Odori turns out to be the One Punch Man Anthem, which is seen in the One Punch Man DVD OVAs. They taught us the dance moves for the song, and we join in with the character VAs in dancing the One Punch Man Anthem~

Middle School Skit
The One Punch Man Maji CD Drama tracks are all about 20 minutes long and contain so much new information! The Parallel Universe Middle School drama track is about Saitama and Genos meeting in middle school and sit next to each other in the same classroom. Saitama is a transfer student who helped Genos out on the first day of school.

Here’s an excerpt that I put together from the Drama Track, which starts after Saitama saves Genos from a monster who was attacking him. Enjoy~

Genos: He defeated the monster in one punch!?

Saitama: Hey, you okay, Blondie?

Genos: What is this, this strength! The kind of immense strength I’ve been aiming for!

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: Saitama-kun, you really were not kidding when you said you were a hero for a hobby!

Saitama: Yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying from the beginning..

Genos: Saitama-san, no, Saitama-sensei! Please let me be your disciple!

Saitama: Eh? Oh…uh…nope.

Genos: Why not?!

Saitama: Why? Because I’m not looking for disciples, uh…what’s your name?

Genos: I’m Genos, Saitama-sensei!

Saitama: Hey, can you stop calling me Sensei?

Genos: I understand, Sensei.

Saitama: I appreciate your answer, but you totally are not listening to me, are you?

Genos: I am in your care!

Genos: By the way, Sensei, you mentioned you had something of mine?

Saitama: Oh yeah! Here, your right hand! I was looking for it for you.

Genos: You…you mean, you came here faster than anyone else…for me?

Saitama: Yeah.

Genos: Sensei!!!

Saitama: So then, please do my homework!

Genos: Why of course, Sensei!

Genos, Training
Translated the One Punch Man Maji Drama CD Vol. 2, titled ‘Genos, Training’. The event is presumed to be taking place sometime after season one of anime, but before Genos meets Gouketsu.

Dr. Kuseno develops Virtual Genocide System (VGS), a headgear that reads brainwaves and simulates battles between the wearer and monster data stored in VGS. You picture how you fight in your head and VGS will carry it out in the simulation, the resulting battle is visualized on an external monitor. Genos uses these simulated battles to gauge his abilities and gain experience. The events in the audio drama take place before Genos’ encounter with Gouketsu, as in the episode Genos claims Carnage Kabuto was the strongest monster he faced. Given the release date and small details in the dialogue, like how characters refer to each other, Japanese fans are saying it's Genos post-G4 upgrade.

First, Genos easily defeats all enemies in VGS artificially created by Dr. Kuseno. He then moves his training to the next stage by uploading data collected on monsters he fought IRL to VGS and engaging in simulated battles with them. The results are as follows:

Genos seeks advice from Dr. Kuseno, who tells him he won’t learn much fighting a vastly superior opponent like Kabuto. Kuseno suggests that Genos use his own data to create a ghost of himself in VGS. By besting your own ghost in simulated combat, you become a slightly better version of yourself.

After training against his ghost for some time, Genos decides to see how his latest ghost would fair against Saitama. Hopeful, he brings VGS to Saitama’s apartment. Saitama was a bit confused at what it is but uses it anyway. Saitama's results: Genos, a little depressed: Sensei’s strength is a total mystery, it’s naive of me to think I can figure him out with mere simulations. Saitama meanwhile realizes he accidentally punched holes through his apartment walls during the simulation and is pissed.

Genos contacts HA and sent out a call for powerful heroes to gather at the HA headquarters to get more reference data for VGS. The following four heroes agree to participate:

The heroes engage in simulated combat vs. Carnage Kabuto. Results are as follows:
 * Sneck: it can’t be helped, as your hero senpai I have to help you out
 * Zombieman: this would be interesting data for future reference
 * Metal Bat: sounds like fun
 * Darkshine: would be a good work out

Genos: Alright, Biting Snake Fist Sneck, you (omae) first

T/N Genos used the very informal second person pronoun omae* (おまえ) implying equal or superior status

Sneck: oma…dude, I’m your senior after all

Sneck: tsk, I just have to put this on, right?

Simulation System Voice: Player Sneck. Initiating simulation

Sneck: Hmph, I’m going to show you guys right here, that I’m actually pretty damn strong

Sounds of explosion

Simulation System Voice: Player Sneck. Incapacitated in battle. Simulation terminated.

Sneck: I got finished in 3 seconds!

Genos: not, correctly speaking it was 2.52 seconds

Sneck: w..what the hell was that enemy just now?

Genos: it’s a monster I fought in the past, Carnage Kabuto

Sneck: there’s something wrong with its power setting

Genos: hm, you really can’t be used as reference

Sneck: eh…is that it for me…?

Genos (cutting Sneck off): next! Metal Bat, your turn to challenge it

Metal Bat: Hmph, let me give it a shot

Simulation System Voice: Player Metal Bat. Initiating simulation.

Metal Bat: bring it on!

Sounds of explosion, impact, Metal Bat shouting

Zombieman: it’s a frontal assault

Darkshine: what a magnificent swing!

Genos: no wonder he’s an S-class hero, I guess he’s not easy to finish, that said…

Carnage Kabuto: YYEEEAAAHHHH!

Explosion

Metal Bat: whoa!

Carnage Kabuto: muhahahaha, dumbass!

Simulation System Voice: Player Metal Bat. Incapacitated in battle. Simulation terminated.

Genos: he wasn’t able to win

Genos: but that was his first fight with Kabuto and he lasted 3 minutes.

Genos: that’s pretty impressive

Metal Bat: huh? That’s it? It’s over?

Genos: you lost, Metal Bat, because the damage you sustained were too grave for you to continue.

Metal Bat: huh? What are you talking about, I can totally keep going

Genos: no, when you get injured to that extent, it is over.

Genos: You are considered “dead” in the virtual world.

Metal Bat: no way, Jose, I might have lost in the game world, but in the real world it won’t go like that

Metal Bat: it might be over once you die in the game world

Metal Bat: but in the real world, a death is just a flesh wound, you can totally revive through fighting spirit and have another go, know what I’m saying?!!

Sneck: eh, isn’t it usually the other way?

Darkshine: calm down, Metal Bat kun!

Darkshine: it would make a mess of things if you get into a real fight with Genos here!

Metal Bat: damn it!

Zombieman: Next, it's my turn.

Genos: Zombieman, I heard you're an unkillable hero.

Zombieman: Hmph, if the device can read my brainwaves and recreate my body's abilities as well as the damages in the simulation, it will be a reflection of my characteristics in actual combat.

Metal Bat: aren't you the confident one.

Genos: this guy could provide great reference data.

Simulation System Voice: player Zombieman, initiating simulation training.

Zombieman: come, as long as it's something that can be defeated.

Carnage Kabuto: duummmmbassss!

Sound of stuff breaking/being squished

Metal Bat: oy oy Zombieman, I thought he'd start the battle with leisure, isn't this a completely one-sided beating?

Sneck: Ouch, I can't bear to watch

Darkshine: His body is gradually disappearing, is it okay to keep it going? It's starting to look gory as hell

Sound of stuff breaking continues

Genos: This is strange, the battle should have long since been concluded, but the system isn't stopping it. What's going on?

Zombieman: It must be because my brain isn't acknowledging this as real danger on a cognitive level

Zombieman: Stuff like this isn't even considered real damage

Metal Bat: No no no, what a load of bollocks, a body-less head is in no position to say that!

Genos: Totally not useful for reference!

Metal Bat: Looks like it's going to go on for awhile, yawn, I'm gonna take a nap, holler when it's over.

Darkshine: I'm going to take a break and get ready for my battle.

Genos: Then aside from Zombieman, it's recess for everyone else. Everyone, go take a break

Genos monologue: Afterwards, Zombieman's battle lasted for over 3 hours, since there was no conclusion, the system automatically sped up its simulation clock and one week has passed in the simulation.

Simulation System Voice: simulation training, terminated.

Darkshine: Hey Zombieman is back!

Metal Bat: Finally conceding defeat?

Zombieman: I won.

Genos: What did you say?

Zombieman: After transforming into Carnage mode or whatever and rampaging, it spent all its stamina and couldn't even move.

Zombieman: I saw my chance and started my attack.

Sneck: Winning after losing for 1 week straight...

Genos: That's amazing, but can't be used as reference at all.

Darkshine: Great, last but not least, it's my turn!

Genos: Superalloy Darkshine!

Darkshine: Since we’re in virtual space, it would be okay for me to release the full power of my muscles, right?

Genos: Yes, let me bear witness to your power

Simulation System Voice: player Superalloy Darkshine. Initiating simulation.

Darkshine: Hmph!!

Sounds of explosion and CK grunting

Carnage Kabuto: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!

Sneck: whoa, this is…

Zombieman: spectacular fight

Genos: it’s working! This means Superalloy Darkshine’s strength goes beyond Kabuto’s defense

continued sound effects of battle

Darkshine: HMPH! !

S or G, not sure which: WHOA!

Simulation System Voice: enemy, incapacitated in battle. Player, Superalloy Darkshine, victory. Simulation terminated.

Darkshine: Yeah! I won!

Darkshine: he’s a lot stronger than I imagined, took me 15 minutes

Genos: Zombieman is undead, so his body makes sense, but what’s with your body, Darkshine? Has it been modified?

Darkshine: I’m not a modified human! Although, I can’t say my body hasn’t been modified…by the power of muscles!

Genos: muscles?

Genos: looks like I have to give up on upgrading my parts

Genos: maybe I should discuss with Dr. Kuseno about installing muscle upgrades

Superalloy Darkshine asks Genos if there’re more powerful monster stored in VGS, Genos says Carnage Kabuto was the strongest it had, unless if Darkshine wants to fight his own ghost. Darkshine plays with the device and accidentally activates Saitama’s ghost:

Genos fixes VGS and asks Saitama the next day to fight his own ghost, recorded by VGS the day before. As Saitama dons the device, a worried Genos has an inner monologue.

Genos: this enemy has power unlike anything Saitama sensei has ever faced, he will be forced into a hard battle against his own ghost…sensei has been down since yesterday putting holes in his wall, is this a bad time? Will not being able to one punch his ghost affect him mentally? What if a defeated sensei loses his mojo and retire as hero? This is a huge, putting sensei in such danger in order to satisfy my curiosity...no, I have to explain to sensei what I’m getting him into…sensei…!! Then:

Genos: Sensei is far more powerful today than he was yesterday…is that even possible?

Saitama: it’s just unreliable simulated data right?

Saitama: It doesn’t matter how strong you become in the virtual world, it will never change who you are in real life. I learned this lesson the hard way as a kid, when I was so obsessed with leveling up in an RPG I missed my entire summer holiday. Now enough virtual reality, go fix the wall!

Sonic
Sonic attempts to picture how to beat Saitama.

Trivia

 * It is said that ONE had spent over 10 hours to make changes/amendment for the script of Genos, Training, so it is pretty much canon material.

Acknowledgements
Great thanks to the following people for providing the translations
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for A Festival with Saitama translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Genos’s Fireworks translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Sonic at that Summer Festival translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for A Summer Festival with Tatsumaki translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for One Punch Man Autumn Festival Event Live Drama Skit Synopsis translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Middle School Skit
 * sysr23 and hdx514 for Genos, Training translation