Audiobooks/Maji Drama CD Vol. 1

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Saitama, Makeover
Audio Part 1

Audio Part 2

Audio Part 3

Translated the One Punch Man Maji Drama CD Vol. 1, titled ‘Saitama, Makeover’.

“A fan of Genos entrusted me with a letter to him the other day. Genos is becoming increasingly popular, but I’m only ever seen as his friend.” Feeling the pressure of his current predicament, Saitama decides to do a “makeover”, starting from his appearance, ultimate attack name and so on, in order to transform his image and receive more fan mail than Genos.

Saitama: There’s one thing that we can never give up on: Our true selves Saitama: Woah, this meat is cheap, lucky! Saitama: No wait, the limited time sale is starting in 30 minutes Saitama: I should wait another half hour… Saitama: No no no, there aren’t many eggs left Saitama: It would be a disaster if someone grabs the rest while I’m waiting it Saitama: I should probably buy them asap… Saitama: No no no… GIRL: Umm, excuse me Saitama: I got it! I’ll just put this in my shopping cart for 30 minutes… Saitama: Then put it back right before the limited time sale starts… Saitama: Once they put on the new price sticker, I’ll pretend like nothing ever happened and… GIRL: Excuse me! Saitama: Huh? Me? GIRL: You are Mr. Saitama, right? The hero? Saitama: That’s me GIRL: Umm…well…I’ve been following heroes closely as a fan for three years Saitama: Eh, so you’re a fan? GIRL: I’m terribly sorry! It must be bothersome for me to accost you when you’re off duty, but I’m thinking what a rare opportunity this is, I just can’t wait for another one to come Saitama: For…for real? Saitama: Ahem. No…well, it’s perfectly understandable that you are nervous when the hero you admire is standing right in front of you Saitama: I assure you, accost me as much as you want, that wouldn’t be a problem Saitama: There’s no need for such politeness Saitama: Hell, get your friends together and form a fan club, I wouldn’t mind it one bit GIRL: Umm…this… Saitama: An…envelope! Sealed with a heart shaped sticker… Saitama: No way! Could this be…!? GIRL: It was love at first sight for me! I will always be supporting, now and forever! Sound of girl running away Saitama: This…this must be one of those fan letters I’ve heard so much about Saitama: It’s my first time getting one of these! Saitama: As expected, it makes me very…no, super duper happy! Saitama: Hmm…huh? What? It says here the name of the recipient is… GIRL: Please make sure you hand it to your friend Genos sama, thank you so much! Saitama: And that’s what she said, here, take it. GENOS: Tsk, there’s no end to these fan letters… GENOS: That’s why I told the association to reject them all SAITAMA: Huh? GENOS: Now they’re even using Saitama Sensei to relay these messages…how despicable SAITAMA: It’s just a letter, are you not gonna read it? GENOS: I’ve read some in the past, but I found no clues in them that would help me get stronger SAITAMA: Of course not! Why would they? SAITAMA: Plus, why is someone like you so damn popular anyway? SAITAMA: You have a lot of people in your fan club don’t you, even though you get turned into scrap metal almost every time. GENOS: Yeah, I’m not too sure myself GENOS: If the number of fans were proportional to battle prowess, Sensei would have become a superstar a long time ago GENOS: As for the reason why that’s not the case… SAITAMA: What are you doing? Why are you staring at my face? SAITAMA: What’s that look on your face? Hey, why are your eyes wondering upwards…what the hell are you looking at!? GENOS: So it’s appearance after all… SAITAMA: Do you want me to pull out all those reinforced fibers on your head!? SAITAMA: I’ve just never cared about attracting fans that’s all, I could have had fans if I did! SAITAMA: Like a diamond in the rough, I just need a good polish in order to shine! SAITAMA: It’s got nothing to do with what’s happening on top of my head so stop staring at it! Go look at something else! GENOS: I’m terribly sorry, I wasn’t trying to… SAITAMA: Okay fine, if that’s how it is, I’m gonna show you my serious image change SAITAMA: And I guarantee I will receive more fan letters than you! GENOS: I see, so we’re talking about a makeover, right? GENOS: Like a brand new costume, a brand new hero name, and so on… SAITAMA: Oh oh, and come up with my hero pose, plus the name of my ultimate attack, stuff like that SAITAMA: I’m getting all excited! GENOS: Understood. We’ll exaggerate the trivial details, put on a dazzling charade, deceive the masses and win the hearts of brain-dead fans at all costs, Sensei SAITAMA: Ah, the excitement is suddenly gone SAITAMA: And just like that, I began my makeover with the help of Genos GENOS: First things first: your appearance GENOS: Let’s do a little internet research on what people think of Sensei SAITAMA: Woah, I’m searching for comments about myself, that’s actually a little embarrassing GENOS: “I don’t remember this guy.” “Nothing special.” “Eyes of a dead fish.” GENOS: ”I want to know if he’s actually bald or just has a shaved head.” ”Nothing to add, just a bald hero.” GENOS: “Laughing stock of the Hero Association.” “I heard he cheated to pass the entrance exams.” GENOS: “Saitama? Is there really a hero who goes by that name?” SAITAMA: Genos… GENOS: “Looks weak as hell.” SAITAMA: Gen… GENOS: “Looks like a cosplayer.” SAITAMA: G…Genos! GENOS: Yes. SAITAMA: Those are terrible. SAITAMA: I don’t want to hear it… GENOS: Well the thing is, this is the level of internet comments when it comes to Saitama Sensei. GENOS: To put it simply, most people don’t really know who Sensei is. GENOS: But look on the bright side, this is an opportunity for us since most people are unaware of Saitama Sensei’s existence. SAITAMA: I see, that means it should be okay for me to transform into whomever I want, right? SAITAMA: Good…in that case, I’m going to re-debut as an image of the ideal hero that people are after. GENOS: I expect nothing less from Sensei! GENOS: Abandoning all shame and dignity to cater to the public’s whim. GENOS: This amazing adaptability…I’m really learning a lot! SAITAMA: Speaking of, which heroes are popular right now? GENOS: I see, he’ll seize all the merits of popular heroes and make them his own. SAITAMA: Well, I suppose. GENOS: I’ll check right away. Typing sound GENOS: As I thought, the public loves the handsome types. GENOS: Like Sweet Mask and… SAITAMA: Why am I not surprised GENOS: Looks like plastic surgery is our only option… GENOS: Sensei, what’s your budget for this, roughly speaking? SAITAMA: Hmm…I’d say 10,000 yen tops… GENOS: Let’s forget about becoming handsome, moving on. SAITAMA: Hey, you’re giving up way too fast! SAITAMA: Not to mention we’ve just started to brainstorm, this is step one, and you’re already telling me to go under the knife!? GENOS: We can’t go the handsome route, but what about cuteness factor? GENOS: Like Child Emperor, the youngest S-Class hero? SAITAMA: Eh…he’s tough to compete against, given my age. GENOS: What about Tornado of Terror? SAITAMA: She’s tough too, given my gender. GENOS: Puri Puri Prisoner? SAITAMA: That one is tough all around. GENOS: There’s also Watchdog Man, the mascot types are pretty popular too. SAITAMA: I see, so I should play animal dress-up? GENOS: It could be a good idea. GENOS: And cat videos are very popular, there was a report about it on the morning news today. SAITAMA: Right, and it also doesn’t sound too expensive. SAITAMA: Okay, this is it! Genos! GENOS: I’ll get the accessories right this moment! SAITAMA: Eh…one question, Genos SAITAMA: These things on my head, what are they… GENOS: Cat ears. SAITAMA: Um…are you sure this is okay? GENOS: It should be, in principle SAITAMA: Everyone around is staring at me. GENOS: They are indeed paying attention, there’s no mistaking it! GENOS: We’re already having the desired effect! SAITAMA: That so? Good. SAITAMA: By the way, these cat ears are really slippery GENOS: That’s because these aren’t meant to be worn directly on skin GENOS: Without hair to keep them in place, they’ll… SAITAMA: Genos, bring me the duct tape. GENOS: Eh? But… SAITAMA: BRING ME THE DUCT TAPE! SAITAMA: This will do. GENOS: I see. GENOS: By securing them with duct tape, they’ll stay on even at high speeds. GENOS: And they can withstand a decent amount of impact. GENOS: Sure it doesn’t look as good. GENOS: But since we’re not going for cuteness anyway. GENOS: We can at least guarantee the correct outline when your back is to the light, right? GENOS: I expect nothing less from Sensei! SAITAMA: (Clears throat, in serious voice) Well, I’ll have you know that I am quite capable if I put a little bit of effort into it. GENOS: Next up is costume. Sound of typing GENOS: Cat ears plus maid uniform is a classic combo, it’s quite popular these days… SAITAMA: Hm…although you can’t go wrong with the classics. SAITAMA: At the end of the day, I want to show people something unique. SAITAMA: As a fashion expert, I want something that says I’m “one of a kind”. GENOS: I see… SAITAMA: So, what are some of the popular hero costumes these days? SAITAMA: Let’s just pick one of the better ones and copy it. GENOS: Sensei, “one of a kind” means… GENOS: Eh…it’s nothing, I’ll look it up right away Sound of typing GENOS: The macho types who focus on building an aesthetic physique like Superalloy Darkshine and Tank Top Master are all the rage these days. SAITAMA: (Serious voice) an aesthetic physique… SAITAMA: (Serious voice) I have some thoughts about that. GENOS: How courageous… GENOS: Sensei, don’t tell me you’re really going to…!? GENOS: In…incredible! He’s completely naked, apart from the cape and cat ears! GENOS: The body paint he has in place of his costume retains the old design while highlighting his beautiful physique! GENOS: That said, if you look closely, you can tell he’s not wearing anything, is this really going to be okay? SAITAMA: Right, I guess. SAITAMA: I might get censored if they showed me on TV? SAITAMA: Hang on a sec… GENOS: Sensei? SAITAMA: Aren’t people super curious to uncover whatever is hidden? Like, the scarier it is, the more people want to see it? GENOS: Indeed, this is quite scary. GENOS: I feel like I might get crushed. SAITAMA: Censorship is good! SAITAMA: Censorship attracts the masses! SAITAMA: You need to remember this, Genos! GENOS: Censorship is vital to battle tactics, I’m writing it down! SAITAMA: Although all your battles end up with you needing to be censored. GENOS: Great! So we’re all set on appearance! SAITAMA: What’s next…right, I need a cool name for my ultimate attack. SAITAMA: Oh by the way, what are your names like? GENOS: Machine Gun Blow, Boost Attack, stuff like that SAITAMA: What the hell, those sound really badass! SAITAMA: Machine Gun Blow! SAITAMA: Boost Attack! SAITAMA: Wow, they really do sound cool! GENOS: As for Sensei, how about something like… GENOS: Shining---Attack? Or how about Lighting---Punch? SAITAMA: Stop it, I’m not THAT shiny, okay? SAITAMA: It would be nice to announce my moves in a cool voice, but saying them casually, then winning with ease isn’t bad either. SAITAMA: Like that guy who isn’t even a hero, Sonic-what’s-his-name? GENOS: Speed-o'-Sound (laughs) Sonic SAITAMA: Yeah that’s right! Something or other Shuriken! Something or other kick! Stuff like that… GENOS: The fact that you don’t even remember them worries me. GENOS: There is however something to be said about winning without breaking a sweat, it sounds like a good overall approach. SAITAMA: Hmm…winning with style or winning with ease, I don’t want to give up either one. GENOS: That might not be necessary, there might be a way to have the cake and eat it too. SAITAMA: Oh? GENOS: There’s no character limit when it comes to naming your moves, you can add as many favorite words as you like. SAITAMA: That’s right, even a lengthy name could sound like a cool incantation! GENOS: Since Saitama Sensei’s battles are usually over after a single punch GENOS: I think it’s okay to spend some extra time on announcing the moves. SAITAMA: Alright, let’s include all the cool words! GENOS: What about for example, we include some obscure words in order to sound more intelligent? SAITAMA: Oh good idea, let’s add some literary phrases while we’re at it. GENOS: And since we got the cat ears, let’s fill it with some animal-related terms. SAITAMA: Let’s not forget about the latest and hottest trends, and words that show I’m a man of the people. GENOS: And those that make people feel pessimistic, philosophical, flexible… SAITAMA: That’s right, and… SAITAMA: (Serious voice) Alright, here it goes! SAITAMA: (Serious voice) With all key elements included, the name of my ultimate killer move is: GENOS: Yes! SAITAMA: (Serious voice) Super shining and lightning, that’s right, this next punch will overwhelm you like a gust of northern urban wind deep in December, this illusionary, fantastical, understanding punch from the heart, starting from hyper dreaming attack the final, a never-ending eternal forever endless sentimental with a high sense aggregation of full throttle, godless, loneliness, can’t stop falling in love and as soon as fighting… GENOS: Sensei, what about the other half? SAITAMA: Mmm…is it a little too much after all? GENOS: Not at all, words cannot begin to describe how powerful Sensei’s ultimate attack is. SAITAMA: I’m not talking about that, this is way too long for me to remember! GENOS: I already thought about that. GENOS: I’m going to prepare the necessary notes for you. Sound of writing SAITAMA: Ooo! I kinda feel sorry about this, Genos. GENOS: Not at all, you’re too hard on yourself. SAITAMA: Oh and there’s that! I need to think carefully about my hero name. SAITAMA: At this rate I’ll become Caped Baldy, oh wait no, Cat Ear Body Paint Man. GENOS: That’s right, we need to choose a name that embodies Sensei’s overwhelming strength. SAITAMA: Mmm…speaking of, names like “Tornado of Terror” and “Blizzard of Hell” are ingenious. SAITAMA: I want one of those. GENOS: I see, a common name. GENOS: Names based on accumulated experience and objective facts. SAITAMA: What would that be in my case? GENOS: Empty Resume Saitama, or Follicle Hell Saitama, something like that. SAITAMA: Okay, pass. GENOS: A wise decision. SAITAMA: I guess I want something that’s cool in a hardboiled, lone wolf kind of way. GENOS: But it might have the opposite effect on people if you overdo it. GENOS: A bit of self-depreciation helps to break the ice. SAITAMA: Oh, is that how it works? GENOS: And it must feel really strong, after all, that’s who you are. SAITAMA: So, like gorilla or something? GENOS: No, there’s already an emphasis on feline motif with these cat ears. GENOS: We should avoid pairing that with gorilla. GENOS: We should pick a more general term that leaves the impression of “great strength”. GENOS: For example, how about “Destroyer”? SAITAMA: Cro-Magnon. Cro-Magnon sounds pretty strong. GENOS: Sensei, you’re still thinking about gorillas… SAITAMA: Mmm…what does “strong” really mean, at the end of the day? GENOS: I see, the view that great combat prowess = strength is too simplistic. SAITAMA: Right, after all, there are many different ways to define strength. SAITAMA: Like the strength to fight against your own weakness. GENOS: The strength to not consider the strength to fight against your own weakness a strength. SAITAMA: (Speeding up) no no no, the strength to not consider the strength to fight against your own weakness a strength, is that really strength? What about the strength to endure being constantly annoyed? SAITAMA: (Speeding up) Huh? GENOS: (Speeding up) This is becoming the collapse of the strength gestalt. GENOS: (Speeding up) No, maybe that is strength in its truest form. …… Sound of heavy breathing GENOS: Next, I’m going to announce Sensei’s new hero name, a name that incorporates all these elements… Sound of heavy breathing SAITAMA: Go! GENOS: The collapse of the final strength gestalt with endless possibilities - The lone wolf Saitama, the boiled egg (Terror! The monster-devouring cat man) SAITAMA: That…sounded pretty damn good! GENOS: Lone wolf, hardboiled and not overly pretentious, it checks all the boxes. SAITAMA: Right, and it contains the “small animal” key element. GENOS: Most importantly, it accurately describes Saitama Sensei’s torment at the hands of his own strength. SAITAMA: Agreed! That’s the “collapse of the final strength gestalt with endless possibilities” part, right? I like it a lot! GENOS: Then it has been decided, this will be your new hero name! SAITAMA: Ah…but it’s still too long, I can’t remember it, let’s write it down. GENOS: Ah, of course. Sound of Genos writing GENOS: Okay, we got appearance, ultimate attack, and hero name. GENOS: This completes the makeover, almost to perfection. SAITAMA: Mmm… GENOS: What’s the matter, Sensei? SAITAMA: Well, this makeover has indeed been perfect. GENOS: Yes. SAITAMA: Hey Genos, would you consider teaming up with me? GENOS: Hm? Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? SAITAMA: Well, I’m a little hesitant to say it, but I have very little name recognition, actually, now that I’m basically a different person, it’s fair to say I have zero recognition. SAITAMA: So I want to team up with you first… GENOS: Got it, this way my massive fanbase will get to know Saitama Sensei. GENOS: Teaming up with me is a great opportunity to promote yourself, right? SAITAMA: Right…what you said. GENOS: Let’s team up! SAITAMA: Oh, so you don’t mind? GENOS: If it means we can improve Sensei’s reputation, even by a small amount… SAITAMA: Genos, you… GENOS: However, if we were to team up. GENOS: You’ll be seen as my inferior, given your lack of popularity and name recognition. GENOS: There’s even the risk of you being seen as my sidekick. SAITAMA: That would really suck. SAITAMA: How about this: first you pretend to lose to the monster, then I show up and beat the monster. GENOS: I see, this way they’ll see that Sensei is more powerful than I am. GENOS: I like this idea! Let’s follow this plan. SAITAMA: Okay, I mean, that’s pretty much how it usually goes anyway. SAITAMA: Oh? Sound of alarm ANNOUNCER: Alert, emergency evacuation. Disaster level: Demon. All civilians in the vicinity, please follow instructions and evacuate immediately GENOS: Looks like there’s a monster nearby. SAITAMA: Alright, let’s go Genos! GENOS: Yes sir! MONSTER: Hahahahaha! Foolish humans, I will kill each and every one of you! GENOS: Look Sensei, the monster is wreaking havoc in front of all these people. SAITAMA: Genos, this is… GENOS: That’s right, the perfect opportunity for Saitama Sensei to showcase his brand new self! SAITAMA: Oh crap, my heart’s pounding really fast. GENOS: Well then, I’m going to get beaten, after that, the stage will be all yours. SAITAMA: Al…alright GENOS: Come, monster! I, Genos, will be your opponent! MAN: Ah! It’s Genos! The S-Class hero! WOMAN: He’s just as handsome in real life! GENOS: W…woah…I’m…defeat…ed MAN/WOMAN: Eh? MONSTER: Ah? But I haven’t even done anything? SAITAMA: Genos, your acting really sucks! WOMAN: Waaaah! Genos sama has been… MAN: Defeated! GENOS: (Quietly) Sensei, now is your chance! Hurry! SAITAMA: Oh…oh! I’m up next, monster! Sound of rain SAITAMA: Eh? Ah? What is…oh crap! It has started to rain! GENOS: At this rate, the body paint will…! SAITAMA: If I attract any attention right now, I’d be in serious trouble! MONSTER: Huh? Who the hell are you? MAN: Look everyone, it’s a hero! Another hero has arrived! Sound of people cheering WOMAN: Wait…is that really a hero? Cat ears…eh? EW! Is he completely naked!? SAITAMA: Is this real life… GENOS: Sensei, your hero name! SAITAMA: Al…alright! I am the collapse of the final strength gestalt with endless possibilities - The lone wolf Saitama, the boiled egg (Terror! The monster-devouring cat man)! Silence, sound of wind blowing SAITAMA: Eh? What’s with the awkward silence? Are you sure it’s working, Genos? GENOS: There’s no need to worry Sensei, they must be holding their breaths in anticipation, waiting for you to show them just what kind of hero you are. SAITAMA: Okay then. GENOS: When it comes to gaining popularity and attention, we made sure to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s GENOS: The only thing left is for you to unleash your ultimate attack, Sensei SAITAMA: Alright, here I come, monster! MONSTER: Huh? What was that?! SAITAMA: Eh? Gone…gone…it’s gone! What have I done! SAITAMA: The note on my ultimate attack that Genos wrote me…I’ve totally lost it! MONSTER: Huh? SAITAMA: Calm down you, try to think...what’s that really long name of my ultimate attack again. SAITAMA: S…super shining and hiking and barbeque…eh? What was it…the collapse of cat ear gestalt something or other? SAITAMA: No I think that’s my hero name…eh? Crap! I can’t remember anything! GENOS: Sensei, what’s going on?! Why are you holding your head like that looking all upset?! SAITAMA: No that’s not it, what’s the name of my ultimate attack… GENOS: Don’t tell me you…lost the notes? SAITAMA: He, hehe, that’s exactly what happened, Genos kun. MONSTER: What the hell are you babbling about?! If you won’t come at me, then I’ll come at you! MONSTER: Hoooo! Fighting sounds MONSTER: Hahahahaha! All you can do is defend! This is your limit, worthless trash! SAITAMA: Ah…I can’t remember anything. GENOS: Urgh…Sensei, the cat ears you put so much effort into securing…have flown off with the duct tape GENOS: And the body paint is almost all gone GENOS: Sensei! Don’t worry about the name of your ultimate attack, please just end the fight now! SAITAMA: No, I can’t do that! GENOS: But! SAITAMA: (Serious voice) Genos, I think if I don’t make this change right here right now, I’ll never be able to for the rest of my life GENOS: Sensei… SAITAMA: (Serious voice) I want to become the new me, I want to be reborn, then I too can receive countless fan letters, Genos! GENOS: Say no more! Allow me to buy you some time, promise me you’ll use that time to remember the name of your ultimate attack! SAITAMA: (Serious voice) I’m counting on you, Genos! GENOS: Come, look this way, monster! Your opponent is me! MONSTER: What’s with you? Are you still alive? Sound of explosion GENOS: Argh, that much damage from a single attack! This is no disaster level demon! GENOS: This monster is really strong! People screaming GENOS: Argh, the debut fight will have to wait. GENOS: I need Saitama Sensei to go all out, otherwise these civilians will get hurt! SAITAMA: (Serious voice) Hehehehehe GENOS: Sensei, that’s! You’ve found the notes haven’t you?! SAITAMA: Sorry for the long wait, monster! MONSTER: Ah? SAITAMA: (Serious voice) The time for my transformation has arrived! Take this, ultimate killer move! MONSTER: What!? SAITAMA: Eh let’s see… SAITAMA: Super shining and lightning, that’s right, this next punch will overwhelm you like a gust of northern urban wind deep in December, th… SAITAMA: Ah? Hey Genos, what does it say here? GENOS: Where exactly? SAITAMA: Look, right there GENOS: Oh that’s “illusionary” SAITAMA: Oh SAITAMA: Super shining and lightning, that’s right, this next punch will overwhelm you like a gust of northern urban wind deep in December, this illusionary, fantastical, understanding punch from the heart, starting from hyper dreaming attack the final, a never-ending eternal forever endless sentimental with a high sense aggregation of full throttle, godless, loneliness, can’t stop falling in love and as soon as fighting…aaaaargh to hell with this! Sound of explosion
 * T/N: the stuff inside the parentheses are part of Saitama’s new hero name, Genos actually says “open/close parenthesis” out loud)

Junior high school student Saitama Episode 1
The One Punch Man Maji CD Drama tracks are all about 20 minutes long and contain so much new information! The Parallel Universe Middle School drama track is about Saitama and Genos meeting in middle school and sit next to each other in the same classroom. Saitama is a transfer student who helped Genos out on the first day of school.

Excerpt:

Genos: He defeated the monster in one punch!?

Saitama: Hey, you okay, Blondie?

Genos: What is this, this strength! The kind of immense strength I’ve been aiming for!

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: Saitama-kun, you really were not kidding when you said you were a hero for a hobby!

Saitama: Yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying from the beginning..

Genos: Saitama-san, no, Saitama-sensei! Please let me be your disciple!

Saitama: Eh? Oh…uh…nope.

Genos: Why not?!

Saitama: Why? Because I’m not looking for disciples, uh…what’s your name?

Genos: I’m Genos, Saitama-sensei!

Saitama: Hey, can you stop calling me Sensei?

Genos: I understand, Sensei.

Saitama: I appreciate your answer, but you totally are not listening to me, are you?

Genos: I am in your care!

Genos: By the way, Sensei, you mentioned you had something of mine?

Saitama: Oh yeah! Here, your right hand! I was looking for it for you.

Genos: You…you mean, you came here faster than anyone else…for me?

Saitama: Yeah.

Genos: Sensei!!!

Saitama: So then, please do my homework!

Genos: Why of course, Sensei!

Acknowledgements
Great thanks to the following people for providing the translations
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Junior high school student Saitama Episode 1 excerpt translation