Audiobooks

A Festival with Saitama
Translated the drama CD track from the One Punch Man Vol. 1 DVD, titled ‘A Festival with Saitama,’ where Saitama and Genos go to a summer festival together. Enjoy!

—

Saitama: One Punch Man Special CD, a Festival with Saitama.

Saitama: On that day, I was in quite a hurry.

Saitama: All right! And with that, I’m done washing my laundry. Hey Genos, did you get the clothes?

Genos: Yes! I have finished collecting the clothes, Sensei.

Saitama: Awesome, so once we’re done folding the clothes we can be done with these chores. I’ll help with the folding.

Genos: No, it’s fine!

Saitama: But there are this many t-shirts alone, so if we do it together it’ll be much faster. C’mon give me a few so I can help out.

Genos: It’s okay. I am very confident in my folding skills. Look at this, Sensei!

* folds the clothes*

Saitama: Dang, you’re right. You’re super methodical.

* folds another shirt*

Genos: Ah! What was that?

Saitama: Is something wrong?

Genos: What just happened? What is the meaning of this…the speed of Sensei’s folding…it’s not normal! *calculating* TWO SECONDS!

Saitama: Why are you suddenly speaking so loudly?

Genos: With my calculations, even at the fastest speed, folding these t-shirts would still take five seconds.

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: But then with this over-accuracy, there is a possibility that I would damage the fabric of the shirt.

Saitama: What the?

Genos: BUT SENSEI ONLY TOOK TWO SECONDS AND―

Saitama: What?

Genos: Not only that, but not an inch is out of place! The shirt is perfectly folded!

Saitama: Genos, what’s wrong?

Genos: How is this possible?

Saitama: Hey, why did you grow so serious all of a sudden? Genos?

Genos: SENSEI!

Saitama: Whaat?

Genos: Please fold this t-shirt one more time.

Saitama: But I just did!

Genos: No, please once more!

Saitama: Huh? Are you interested in how I fold things? Okay so one more time…I’ll demonstrate with this t-shirt right here.

Genos: Yes!

Saitama: You ready? So you take the two sides of the t-shirt like so, put them against each other and then you just kind of flip it over and look! Didja see that? It folds instantly! Amazing, right?

Genos: Amazing…as expected of Sensei!

Saitama: Eh? You’re that surprised?

Genos: Sensei, where did you learn such an amazing method of folding shirts?

Saitama: I was watching TV and saw this show about how to save time by doing…HEY YOU! Why are you messing up the clothes I just folded JEEZ? You must be kidding me!

Genos: I see now…With this t-shirt folding mechanism in place, I seem to be hung up on an existing form of this art.

Saitama: Are you even listening?

Genos: I understand now, Sensei! For a normal way of folding t-shirts, you would first place the back of the shirt facing up, fold the two arms in, and then fold the shirt in half. Just like that, right?

Saitama: Yeah, I guess so. Yeah…

Genos: But Sensei’s method is different! I have captured a bias in that form.

Saitama: Uh…what are you talking about?

Genos: For the sake of speed and progress, you change the way you fold your clothes. It is an impeccable change of thought process! As expected of you, Sensei!

Saitama: Like I said, people who know how to do it this way would do it like me. And besides, I just saw some lifestyle improvement tips from the TV that included this anyway!

Genos: Please wait a moment, Sensei. I need to write this in my memo.

Saitama: Just memorize it normally. Okay, whatever. Just hurry up and clean up since today I would like to―

Genos: Now that you mention it, you did say you were looking forward to some event today, right? What kind of event was it?

Saitama: Oh, did I not tell you? Today is―

* cellphone rings*

Genos: So Sensei, what was this important thing you were trying to tell me again?

Saitama: Wait, aren’t you going to pick that up? I’m interested in what’s going on.

Genos: Oh, uh…okay. Hello? Yeah, it’s me. Oh really? Where?

Saitama (to himself): That guy…there are things I just don’t get about him. And we ended up not folding anything! That guyyyyy!!!!!!

Genos: It’s a call from the Hero Association.

Saitama: What did they say? A monster appeared?

Genos: Yes, today in Z City a single monster has been advancing within the premises. At the moment, we are waiting on confirmation. According to witnesses, this monster does not seem to be a major threat. The level of the monster is low, so Sensei will not need to be involved in such trivial matters.

Saitama: Oh? So I don’t need to go?

Genos: Yes, although the Hero Association did call for us, I do not think that it is necessary as Sensei is looking forward to the event later today anyway. If absolutely necessary, I can handle this alone.

Saitama: Really? By the way, where is the thing located? When it’s over let’s meet up.

Genos: It’s in Central Park.

Saitama: What…did you just say Central Park?

Genos: Yes. I did.

Saitama: Wha―whaaaaatttt!?!?!?!?!?

—

Festival Monster: Ehehehe! I finally made it to the festival! All of this stuff was made for me to destroy! Yes, I will never forgive the stupid summer festivals for ruining me! I’m going to destroy it all! I became so jealous of all these girls and boys attending the festival and got so angry that I became a monster! I am the Loner Festival Monster!

Saitama: Hey, you!

Festival Monster: Who are you? Some kind of random priest?

* punch*

* monster goes flying*

Festival Monster: Guess I’m off!!!!!

Saitama: I’m not bald! And this is a yukata!

Genos: Sensei!

Saitama: Ah, Genos! Seems like the monster has not interrupted the preparations of the festival!

Genos: Yes, the monster did not cause a large commotion yet.

Saitama: Thank god we made it in time. But it was super risky! If this guy were to really mess things up, the Summer Festival would be cancelled!

Genos: Sensei…do you mean that the event you were very excited about was this festival?

Saitama: Yeah, this festival.

Genos: That’s what I thought. I am not sure what makes festivals so fun, but if Sensei says so, then perhaps there is something more than meets the eye at these ordinary events that might be linked to why you are so powerful…?

Saitama: No no, that’s not it! Stuff like this is just FUN! It helps you forget the bad times! See? Festivals are the epitome of Summer! Look at all the kakigori (shaved ice) and yakisoba (fried noodles), and all the bustling food stands! For a normal young person, this kind of stuff really gets you in the mood, right?

Genos: I am sorry, Sensei. I am not like other normal human beings as I have artificial parts and…

Saitama: No, this has nothing to do with parts! *sighs* I just thought that, well, you’re always fighting monsters and taking all these notes, always being so serious and putting yourself under stress. I thought that maybe going out to places like this will be good for you. And it’s free too…

Saitama: I see…I guess you’re not really into those kind of things? Well, it’s been a really long time for me as well…

Genos: No, it’s not that I am not interested in this, but it’s more like I do not know much about it.

Saitama: Eh? Do you mean you’ve never come to a festival before?

Genos: No, it is a bit different. I do have memories of coming to a festival when I was very young with my family, but I am not sure if that memory is real or not. I have been so caught up in my goal that I try not to remember much about my past.

Saitama: Oh, I see. I assumed so. You seem to be quite complex. It’s my bad…

Genos: No, it’s fine! I see now… so this is what a festival is like!

* Bon Odori music starts playing*

Saitama: Seems like the Bon Odori* is about to start over there!

Genos: Bon…Odori?

Saitama: Shall we go, Genos?

Genos: Of course! Let us go together, Sensei!

Saitama: Yup! Besides, we already defeated the monster today as well!

Genos: Right! And if we hurry, we can go back home and fold the rest of the t-shirts, Sensei!

Saitama: Wait, you’re talking about THAT? *nudges Genos* Jeez, that’s all on you man, since you’re all about that!

Genos’s Fireworks
Translated the One Punch Man Vol. 2 Drama CD, Genos’s Fireworks. This track is a continuation of Saitama and Genos at the summer festival from the Vol. 1 DVD. The two are supposed to go watch the fireworks together but things get in the way and anyway…Enjoy!

—– Genos: One Punch Man, Special CD Mini Drama: Genos’ Fireworks — Genos: Yes, Doctor Kuseno, I was still so inexperienced. There are so many things in this world that I had no idea about. During that day, I went with Saitama-sensei to the summer festival.

—

Genos: Fireworks?

Saitama: Yes, fireworks! The fireworks spectacular here in this festival is a huge thing! There are even two areas that shoot them!

Genos: Is that so?

Saitama: Hey, have you even seen fireworks before?

Genos: No, I have not. However, I do know what they are.

Saitama: Oh I see. Seeing fireworks in person is super thrilling! Look forward to it.

Genos: Yes!

Saitama: Also Genos, look carefully where you’re stepping on the floor. During festivals there are a lot of coins that fall from people’s pockets. Just kidding lol.

Genos: Sensei!!

Saitama: No, that was a joke!

Genos: What is that round thing you have been chewing in your mouth?

Saitama: Ah, oh this? It’s a candied plum.

Genos: That’s the first time I’ve seen it. Is it edible?

Saitama: Of course it is. Why would I put something that’s not food in my mouth?

Genos: Perhaps for jaw strength training?

Saitama: What do you think I am, a dog? There are a lot of food, like this candied plum, that are only available at festivals, so it’s pretty fun to eat them.

Genos: Is that so?

Saitama: Other stuff at festivals are buttered potatos, chocolate bananas, and savory items like grilled ayu fish, etc. There are tons of special foods available only at festivals.

Genos: I see! I shall take a note of this.

Saitama: Do you not have something you want to eat?

Genos: Not in particular…

Saitama: That’s kind of a let down.

Genos: I do not have any likes or dislikes.

Saitama: That’s not what I meant. Oh, okay how about this? Want to try balloon fishing?*

Genos: Balloon…fishing?

Saitama: Yes, balloon fishing or goldfish scooping, super ball scooping! These carnival games are super popular at festivals too.

Genos: Balloon fishing, goldfish scooping, and super ball scooping…? Sensei, what exactly is fun about—

Saitama: STOP RIGHT THERE! It’s just about the atmosphere, the ATMOSPHERE! If you can get excited and have fun, that’s fine! Don’t think about it too much and just see all that’s around you and you’ll be fine.

Genos: I see now! There are many things here!

Saitama: Yes! I used to work at festivals part-time when I was younger, and big festivals even have haunted houses!

Genos: This is very informative to me!

Saitama: Since we’re here, why don’t you try out one of these games?

Genos: No, it’s fine. I don’t have any cash on me right now.

Saitama: I’ll pay for you! As long as it’s under 500yen.

Genos: Thank you so much, Sensei!

Saitama: What would you like to do?

Genos: That one!

Saitama: The shooting game?

Genos: Yes, just by glancing at it, I feel like it’s meant for me.

Saitama: The rules of a shooting game go like this, you’re supposed to get the prize to fall down by aiming the gun at it, but even though it looks easy, it’s really hard to get it to fall. Let’s see, 200yen right? Give me a sec.

Genos: I do not require a gun, Sensei. Please stand back.

Saitama: Eh?

Genos: Target locked. Incinera—

Saitama: Stop that you idiot! You’ll burn the place down!

Genos: Why did you stop me, Sensei?

Saitama: I was right— the shooting game is not for you and far too dangerous.

Genos: But—! Then what else would be fu—

Saitama: AHHHHH! Hey uhh, you feeling hungry? I smelled something really good grilled squid back there!

Genos: Grilled squid? Ah! *calculating* This smell is…gun smoke?

Saitama: Where’s this good smell?

Genos: Yes, it does have a smell, Sensei.

Saitama: Ah!

Genos: What if this is from a monster? No, that can’t be right.

Saitama: Aha! Found the grilled squid! I’ll go buy some— just wait here.

Genos: It’s close to here. There seems to be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 enemy piles!

Genos: Sensei, the dangerous presence I felt was— Sensei!? Guess it can’t be helped. I need to go alone.

Genos: And with that, I left Saitama-sensei to face the threat alone. It was there that I—

—

Genos: It’s here. It’s as I expected, there is a ton of ammunition here. I’m not sure what purpose have they been gathered here, but there’s no doubt that whoever set this here is up to no good.

Old Man: Hey who goes there?

Genos: !!!

Old Man: What are you doing there? This place is off limits.

Genos: That’s my line. What are YOU doing here? Depending on your answer, I will either incinerate you or spare you.

Old Man: Eh?

Genos: What? I sense some immense energy coming from the sky!

Genos: These guys— it seems that they’ve begun their attack!

Old Man: Hey, why are you making that face? This place is really dangerous!

Genos: Perhaps their aim is to come flying in with an attack. But their enemy leader could also be present within that. If it was Sensei…if it was Sensei what would he do?

Old Man: Hey, hey you! Just look at that right there! Right there! Get a hold of yourself, and I won’t do anything to you.

Genos: If I were Sensei, yes. He would first try to hold back the enemy attack and reduce it to the minimum with his strength.

Old Man: Ah? Noo—! Gah…

—

Saitama: Man, where did Genos go? I told him to wait for me. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll come back eventually. Ah, seems like the fireworks started.

Saitama: Eh? What was that, a dud? Looked like a small explosion. Maybe I’m just overthinking things…

—

Genos: I’m sorry, doctor. If I was not so hasty, I wouldn’t have to come in for these unnecessary repairs. However, because of this, I was able to obtain new knowledge. That’s right, the sheer power of fireworks! Saitama-sensei, I will try to become stronger!

Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish
Translated the Amai Mask Drama track from the One Punch Man Vol. 4 DVD Special CD Drama “Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish”. Enjoy the prolonged poop jokes lol…

—–

Saitama: One Punch Man Special CD Mini Drama Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish

Saitama: On that day, Sweet Handsome Mask was having the first concert of his dome tour. Even though Amai Mask always seems very put together and perfect in front of the cameras, he’s only human.

Saitama: Every time before his live concerts, he avoids people and his an internal struggle with all the pressure that he experiences.

* Amai Mask locks himself in a toilet stall*

Saitama: On that day, just like his usual ritual of going to the bathroom to give himself a mental pep talk, he tried to concentrate but…

Amai Mask: *hits head* Why am I like this? I’m always very confident, but why do I always get like this. *slam*

Saitama: That day was a very special day. Amai Mask was going to drop the title of his very anticipated new song. However, although he tried up until the last minute to think of a good song title, he just couldn’t get a good idea even right before the start of his live concert.

Amai Mask: Damnit, there’s no more time left. Nothing is coming out! Can I even decide on a title?

* Someone knocks on the stall*

Amai Mask: Agh! I wonder if someone is worried about me. Maybe they asked for some staff to check up on me. Man, I’m really sorry about this, but I really haven’t decided on a title yet. I’m completely out of good ideas.

Saitama: So that’s why Amai Mask locked himself in the toilet stall.

* More knocking on the stall*

Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but please wait just a bit longer!

Saitama: I did not know about this story until a bit later; however, these events happened before I met Genos, when I was still training alone to be a hero. I ended up having to stay somewhere nearby this concert place and came to do some part-time construction work here, but I didn’t know what exactly was going on. All I knew was that I was waiting for this toilet door to open.

* Knocks again*

Saitama: Man, this guy is literally taking forever. Give me a break, holy crap!

* Stomach growling*

Saitama: That afternoon I ate a bento lunch box that was actually expired, so I really needed to you know, take care of some things quickly. But then there was this guy inside the toilet that was taking forever with his business. I felt like I was going to explode.

* Heavier knocking*

Saitama: Hey man, are you done yet?

Amai Mask: I know I know!

Saitama: You know?

Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but I’m really concentrating hard right now with this. Can you please not talk to me?

Saitama: Eh? Ah…

Amai Mask: This moment is EXTREMELY important to me!

Saitama: Oh…uh…I uh…I see…

Amai Mask: Yes.

Saitama: Uh…

Amai Mask: It is a despair as deep as the ocean…

Saitama: I see…it uh…seems kinda…difficult…

Amai Mask: Yes. It’s been bothering me since last night. Couldn’t even sleep because of this.

Saitama: SINCE LAST NIGHT?!?!

Amai Mask: That is right. But the more I concentrated on this, nothing good came out!

Saitama: UHHH???

Amai Mask: This is a first for me too.

Saitama: I…see…

Amai Mask: I’m sorry for bothering you.

Saitama: Uh…no big, but uh…you think you’re going to take a while longer?

Amai Mask: Please wait just a little bit longer.

Saitama: Oh, I guess I’ll just go somewhere else then. I don’t want to bother you with your…stuff.

Amai Mask: No please stay here! When I’m here alone, I make no progress. Please listen to my stuff and help me out.

Saitama: Err…I really uh…if you say that um… *stomach growls*

Saitama: Let’s just say I’m kind of at my limit…

Amai Mask: Oh I see. I’m really sorry about this.

Saitama: Oh no no! You don’t need to apologize!

Amai Mask: But—! I’m almost done though! You see, I’m so close right now!

Saitama: Is that…so…???

Amai Mask: I can even see the shape now!

Saitama: SEE THE SHAPE!?

Amai Mask: Yeah, just a bit! Also, I’m just waiting for the cue to go now.

Saitama: What do you mean by “cue”? What if you shout “WOAH” really loudly? I feel like you’ll drop a pretty good load that way.

Amai Mask: Yes, of course. It seems like if I use force, something might come out.

Saitama: Eh? Then just LET IT COME OUT.

Amai Mask: Well then, I’ll just have to try to push out something great. You saw it too, didn’t you?

Saitama: WHAT THE!?

Amai Mask: But, when I’m alone nothing good comes out nicely.

Saitama: Nicely…?

Amai Mask: Yes, I don’t get a good response.

Saitama: A response!? Hey, what the hell are you talking about?

Amai Mask: I still have a lot more! I know without a doubt that there are much greater things inside of me just waiting to stir!

Saitama: Ooohh….uh…

Amai Mask: Do you not agree?

Saitama: I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, but I’ve never worried about uh…that…kind of stuff, if you know what I mean.

Amai Mask: You know what, you’re right.

Saitama: Um…

Amai Mask: A normal human being would never worry about something like this.

Saitama: Uh…I guess normal people don’t…

Amai Mask: Ah…

Saitama: But uh…even if it doesn’t come out, worrying about it doesn’t do anything. Stuff like this can’t really be accompanied by theory. From my own experience, if I’m stuck in a toilet, sometimes stuff just doesn’t come out that easily, but that’s not a cause for concern.

Saitama (to himself): Holy shit I am going to explode.

Saitama: Yes. Sometimes you just need to let it go. Just relax and forget about all your problems, and it’ll come out.

Amai Mask: OH! That’s it! You can’t do anything about it even if you worry about it. That is correct! Just empty out myself.

Saitama: Hnnnnghhhh yesssss….. That’s exactly what I think so uh….just come out of the toilet now so I can use it!!!!!

Amai Mask: For some reason, I think I get it now! Maybe it’s just as you say, instead of thinking about it too much, I’ll just think of it simply.

Saitama: Hngh…mmph!

Amai Mask: And also, I will go back to my roots.

Saitama: Oh…I have no idea what you are talking about, but it seems like you’re going to take a bit longer in there so I’m just gonna uh…go now…

Amai Mask: Oh, thank you so much though! Because of you, I feel a bit better.

Saitama: Oh yeah? Well uh, that’s just great! OKAY BYE!

Amai Mask: I understand myself now. Maybe I just needed someone to help me carry my burdens. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much!

* Gets out of the stall*

Amai Mask: By the way, you never told me your name—! Oh…what a good samaritan. Thank you again, unknown staff.

Saitama: And with that, even though we crossed paths without even knowing, luckily Amai Mask was able to proceed with his concert and use his new song as the theme song for his live. Some time after, his song was released in CD format, but well, that’s another story for later.

* During the concert*

Amai Mask: Thank you! Let’s get on with the next song! Listen up, my new song, “Beautiful Hero!”

One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD
Translated a short clip from the One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD with King, Genos, Saitama, and Mumen Rider. This clip is when Genos takes Saitama’s words to heart…literally LOL.

—–

Saitama: If you use your powers the right way, you’ll look super cool!

Genos: Augh!!!

King: It’s exactly as Saitama says.

Genos: Yes, that’s right! *fumbles around for his notebook and pencil* OH NO! I didn’t bring my notebook for my notes.

King: Just take those words to heart.

Genos: King… *starts drilling the words onto his chest*

King: What are you DOING!?

Genos: Using my pinky finger as a drill to engrave those words onto my chest.

King: I see…

Saitama: Look at this Genos, there are so many heroes out there! They all came here to see us heroes! You guys are going to be in the parade, aren’t you?

Genos: A parade…?

Saitama: Oh, you don’t know what that is? It’s kind of like that festival we went to!

Acknowledgements
Great thanks to the following people for providing the translations
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for A Festival with Saitama translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Genos’s Fireworks translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish translation
 * aitaikimochi from tumblr for One Punch Man Vol. 6 DVD Drama CD translation